P.S. ...: Serenading Scaramucci

I often have to consider the repercussions of my actions when writing articles. These may include a concerned text from my parents, or potential employers accessing my views with only a quick Google search. Now, apparently, the list of repercussions when writing for a small university newspaper may include legal action. Accordingly, I want to take this time to address someone I deeply, passionately and fervently admire: Mr. Anthony Scaramucci.

Mr. Scaramucci, though I have not yet met you personally, I feel as if I already know you. I can’t help but cast my empathy aside and become incredibly inspired by your candidness on Twitter. You always take the time to investigate, even when it isn’t "politically correct,” like when your company ran a poll asking how many Jews were killed in the Holocaust.

Please, can you look into if the Moon landing took place? Or what’s really going on in Area 51? God forbid we are withheld information any longer. Yet, you have always taken the time to adjust your views. Though you once supported Barack Obama and wrote, “I am not a partisan. For Gay Marriage, against the death penalty, and Pro Choice,” you adjusted your perspective to accommodate President Trump. While some could see you as “an unethical opportunist” or as a “man who sold his soul in contradiction to his own purported beliefs,” we all know these are just the makings of a true politician.

Your verbiage is equally striking; who could forget the time you proclaimed, “the fish stinks from the head down. But I can tell you two people who don’t stink: me and The President.” Or when you berated Reince Priebus in a New Yorker interview, calling him a “fucking paranoid schizophrenic.” These words read like poetry, slink into my hardened collegiate ears like silk, like butter.

Let’s not forget that you are clearly sensitive, touched by even so much as a gentle inquiry about your previous role as a board member at our Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. But, don’t worry! I’ve always loved men who are more in touch with their emotional side.

Mr. Scaramucci, you are clearly so well read, so informed — who else would take the time to read their alma mater’s newspaper? And to think that you read the article and met with a legal team on top of your many other obligations; you really must not rest!

But I remind you, that this is in no way a critique of you, as I am so moved by and respectful of you. I would not want anything less than to ensure that your image is exalted the way it ought to be after a 10-day stint as White House Communications Director.

Before I conclude, I want to make a brief apology to the late Hugh Hefner, Woody Allen and any others I may have been critical of this past year. I was offensive and out of line, perhaps hormonal and hysterical! In reality, my feelings for all of you are positive and just as visceral as mine for Mr. Scaramucci — an undying love. Next time, I'll hold my tongue.