'The Snowman' is a film caught in a blizzard

Fans of Scandi-noir have come to expect a certain general formula in the years since the genre exploded onto the scene: bleak, snowy landscapes, beleaguered alcoholic heroes and villains of particular depravity and brutality lurking beneath the surface of the seemingly liberal, socially cohesive societies of their Nordic settings. It may seem that the genre has gotten stale. Enter “The Snowman” (2017), which manages the almost impressive feat of bringing nothing new to Scandi-noir while simultaneously being a uniquely incoherent and bizarre mess of a film.

With such impressive names working on the adaptation of Norwegian author Jo Nesbø’s 2007 novel, one wonders just how “The Snowman” went so wrong. Directed by Tomas Alfredson of “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” (2011), the film follows Oslo detective Harry Hole (Michael Fassbender) as he tracks down a killer whose calling card is an ominous-looking snowman, along with Katrine Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson), a recent transfer from the Bergen office with a personal connection to the case. It also features Charlotte Gainsbourg, Val Kilmer, J.K. Simmons, Toby Jones and Chloë Sevigny.

The cast’s credentials make the film's awfulness all the more baffling. Alfredson has stated in interviews that the shooting schedule forced them to scrap almost a fifth of the original script, along with a host of other issues surrounding production. Still, one would expect editors such as Oscar winners Claire Simpson and Thelma Schoonmaker, of “Platoon” (1986) and “Raging Bull” (1980) respectively, to use their expertise to craft some semblance of a narrative structure. Instead, what results is a film seemingly composed of scenes dropped into the film at nearly “The Room” (2003) levels of randomness, with abrupt cuts and inexplicable pans.

Narratively, the film is no better. About an hour in, it jarringly enters a subplot taking place nine years earlier that follows Kilmer’s poorly dubbed and drunken ne’er-do-well character investigating the same killer in another city, then jumps back and forth without context between past and present at inopportune times. Simmons’ sinister businessman-philanthropist with suggested ties to sex trafficking and an unclear connection to the murders is introduced, then treated as an afterthought. All the while, the audience is left confused over whether to care about the film’s constant reminders that Oslo is bidding to host the “Winter Games World Cup,” and why nobody has a Norwegian accent.

“The Snowman" goes beyond merely confusing its audience in the plot; it also provides countless moments of inexplicable weirdness. In one such scene, Gainsbourg mounts a reclined Fassbender for some fully-clothed jostling for about 15 seconds before halting and mentioning that her son has run away from home. In particular, Gainsbourg, who has impressed as a muse of art cinema auteur Lars von Trier in turns like “Antichrist” (2009) and “Nymphomaniac” (2013), brings a jarring avant-garde strangeness to her role as Hole’s ex-girlfriend Rakel. “The Ringer’s” Adam Nayman has speculated, among others, that the filmmakers “[were] trying … to turn a salvage job into an avant-garde art project."

Still, the bizarreness of “The Snowman” is not limited to Gainsbourg’s character. We see Fassbender wrestle Ferguson to the ground when they mistake each other for hostiles, then continue to hold her in a Half Nelson while they discuss new case developments. Finally, we get a killer reveal that makes as much sense as just ending the film with a title card stating: “It was actually Old Man Jenkins from ‘Scooby-Doo.’”

The stellar cast, unfortunately, largely fails to make up for the film’s insurmountable issues. Fassbender brings a competently portrayed but ultimately off-putting alcoholic misanthropy to Hole. Gainsbourg radiates an ethereal weirdness as Rakel, Kilmer is laughably bad in the flashback subplot, and potentially interesting turns from Sevigny and Simmons are wasted. Only Ferguson, whose star has been steadily rising since her role in “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” (2015), gives a solid performance as the determined Katrine, though she is by no means spectacular.

If a generous helping of handsomely grim shots of a snowy Norwegian landscape are enough to make you sit through a two-hour mess of a mystery-thriller, then “The Snowman” is a film for you. Otherwise, Alfredson makes a mulligan of a film that is awkward and head-scratching enough to be entertaining viewing, but with too high production value and too many stars to enter the prestigious pantheon of historically awful cinema populated by “Gigli” (2003), “Battlefield Earth” (2000) and others. “The Snowman” is simply an exercise to forget for all involved, unless you find yourself coming face-to-face with a coffee-bean faced snowman sometime in the future. In either case, run!