It is about time we re-named the Joey

Dear Tufts,

I think it is time to acknowledge the elephant in the room: our dear Joey is no more. In a very sly and undercover move by the administration, Tufts has stopped using Joseph’s Limousine & Transportation in favor of A&A Metro Transportation. With this change brings cleaner and more environmentally friendly buses and friendly new drivers. But it also brings about a crisis regarding identity. What is this bus if it is not the Joey? What can I call it? I believe that we need to choose a new name for our beloved bus shuttle.

How does one go about naming a bus shuttle? Let’s look at how the Joey was named. The Joey was a reference to the providing transportation company, Joseph’s. It’s both cute and concise, easy to remember and to say. What about A&A Metro? Are there any possibilities for nicknames that already exist within our vocabulary? One might think about the phrase “double-A.” Unfortunately, this conjures up more images of batteries and bra sizes, not buses. The Metro? That’s already been done, and may cause some confusion. How about an acronym -- AAM, perhaps? I’m not sure that we would be able to reach a conclusion regarding the pronunciation, and even if we did, it’s not very fun. Our new transportation company just doesn’t lend itself to good nicknames.

If we can’t build upon (or pare down) existing names, a logical next step is to look at the function and essence of the thing we are naming. I always found the Joey to be a particularly great name, not only due to its self-referential nature, but also because of the other images it brought up. Maybe I’m alone in this, but I always imagined a baby kangaroo in its mother’s pouch whenever I thought of the Joey. The Joey bus performed in much the same way, providing a safe, enclosed space in which students could get from one place to another without exerting much physical effort. It also captured the bumpy and jumpy nature of the Joey, both nauseating and endearing.

So what is the essence of our new shuttle system? What makes it stand out? It’s bright and shiny. It also provides a smoother and cleaner transportation experience to students. Taking all of this in mind, I am now officially proposing that we call our new shuttle “the TUB” (Tufts University Bus).

Why the TUB? First, the acronym encapsulates the basic function of the object; it is in essence a Tufts University Bus. Second, it is fun to say. Imagine it now: telling your friend about “a funny thing that happened in the TUB,” or “taking the TUB to Davis.” It rolls off the tongue quite nicely. Third, the visual likeness is almost uncanny. The new busses really look a lot like bathtubs chugging down the street. Taking a bath is also a joyful, clean and relaxing experience, something I think we all hope our new shuttle will offer. Lastly, it has the benefit of not being tied to a particular company, so Tufts won’t be stuck in another Joey debacle. The TUB is everlasting… at least until we switch over to hovercrafts.

I do realize that change can be hard, even when it is concerning something as silly as the name of a bus. Tufts students loved the Joey, brake slamming and claustrophobia included. It will be hard to let go of. But we have now arrived into a new age of Tufts shuttles, so rather than fight it, let’s embrace it. The time has come to say goodbye to the Joey and hello to the TUB!