Fried chicken waffles

As you guys know, it is hell week. So we’d like to make a shout-out to those actually taking the time to read this column (we love you). Since there’s not much interesting going on in life these days, apart from Tisch evenings and Eaton nights, I thought I’d write the introduction of today’s column the way I passed my summer creative writing class -- by writing about Rebecca. So if you know Rebecca, you’ll know that she has a great string of one-liners that are generally an endearing amount of rude. So, ever since I used her life to pass classes, I have started keeping note of some of her one-liners, just in case I get another dose of writer's block and need inspiration. When she was asked what she thought about a girl: “She’s like bubble tape. You know when you first see it you’re like ‘Oh that’s pretty dope,' so you buy it, but once you start chewing you realize the flavors gone and the gum’s pretty basic." Another personal favorite of mine is: “Yeah, I know he hurt your ego, but your ego’s pretty big, there’s plenty more left." Ladies and gentlemen, Rebecca Solomon.

Dear NYSD, What do girls do when they go to the bathroom together?

Pooja: Dear (I’m assuming) person who has never entered a woman’s bathroom, I’m sorry to disappoint you but girls do relatively mundane things when they go to the bathroom together. Apart from a few bathroom mirror selfies, a flush down to the ministry of magic and a medium-sized all-women wrestling tournament, there’s not much else girls do when going to the bathroom. So dear reader, why do men never go to the bathroom together? Please respond on our Google Doc, I’m very curious.

Dear NYSD, What is the healthiest way to stay healthy?

Pooja: Dear reader, you want to try and maintain a balanced died of at least three pounds of Nutella, McFlurry, Tamper grilled cheese, those friend chicken waffles you get in Chinatown, that dining hall marshmallow chocolate mousse plate of heaven and other similar foods. And remember -- that’s daily. You should also try to avoid physical activity at all costs -- we all know that’s a myth to staying healthy. Also chain-smoke cigarettes -- it will help remove the clean air from your lungs.

Dear NYSD, What do I do when I see my ex and his new girlfriend for the first time?

Rebecca: A friend of mine made a perfect analogy between exes and Hodgdon. She said that every time she sees her ex with his new girlfriend she feels like someone who lived in Hodgon before the renovation. She had to deal with the mice and the low water pressure showers and now that she has moved out of Hodgon, she has to see all of its new inhabitants enjoy the benefits of the overhaul. There is no way to win. It is hard to see someone you cared about with someone else, especially if he seems to be better to his new significant other than he was to you. My advice for this is much like my advice for everything: A smile is your best accessory. In anticipation of the run-in, your hair should be perfectly quaffed, your makeup present but natural and you should emit a friendly air. Appear unfazed at all costs. By keeping calm and collected, you will win this interaction. People want to know they make impacts on other people; never give him this satisfaction.

So that’s all our word count allows us this week, but seeing as Pooja started this article with my less than printable quotes, I’d just like to add one of her finer moments. One time, in China, Pooja ate cat -- and she liked it. With that out of the way, thank you for reading and keep submitting your questions to our Google Doc!