We all know breakups suck. As much as I usually try to twist things around in this column, there's really not much I can do with simple facts of life. Breakups suck. Dewick is better than Carm. The Joey is not on time. Things like this are just so inarguable that the sooner the uphill freshmen accept it, the better things will be for everyone.
Anyway, the reason this is on my mind is because I recently went through a breakup of my own. I'm sort of a chicken about these types of things (a.k.a any sort of important conversation that I have to initiate), and so I had to plan out everything I wanted to say in advance. This definitely helped immensely, and I think he took it rather well. To help out anyone who may be in my same situation, here's the gist of what I said:
"Do you remember back when we started seeing each other? Back in late November, or maybe it was early December. I had just gotten out of a relationship, and you were so new and exciting that I didn't think twice about plunging in headfirst. Everything was great at first - we even got to spend Christmas together with my family. But I've recently realized that - I'm sorry, winter - but I just need to move on.
"Like I said, it was all sunshine and happiness back in the early days - light chills, frolicking in a dusting of snow - but then you showed your true colors and exactly how cold and unforgiving you can be. You became moody and jealous when I left you for a week to vacation in the Caribbean. And then when you felt me pulling away, you turned even more terrible and whipped out a polar vortex that took me completely by surprise.
"If I'm being completely honest, that's not the entire story. Your iciness and possessiveness not only isolated me, but drove me into the arms of another. I know you've been suspicious of me and spring for a while, and I'm sorry to tell you, but I'm seeing him now. The thing is, I have to think about where I see this going long-term, winter, and I just don't think it will work out between us. Who do I want to spend my May birthday with? Who do I want to take home to my family for Easter? And, I mean, it's called Spring Fling for a reason. Spring is gentle and kind; you're harsh and cold. He's even started to give me flowers - new ones, every day. All you ever gave me was soggy socks, longer walks to class and a few mild cases of frostnip. It's over."
I know it seems like I was a bit harsh, but my now-ex seemed to take it as well as he could have. If you check the weather forecast for this week, it appears that winter has finally taken my hints and is allowing spring and me to be together. That's not to say it's set in stone, of course; this is New England, after all, and winter could be back with a vengeance by the time you finish reading this column. But as of right now, it's looking good. So get outside, Jumbos, and enjoy the feeling of sunshine, happiness and weather that doesn't make you want to run back inside and binge-watch Netflix. Even us New Englanders can find true love and spring, although it does often take us a while. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to run; my new boyfriend is a bit of a neat freak, and I've got to get started on my spring cleaning.
Lex Erath is a sophomore majoring in economics. She can be reached at Alexandra.Erath@tufts.edu.