As I'm sure you're aware, April 6 marked the return of one of television's most anticipated shows, "Game of Thrones" (2011-Present). To be honest, there's absolutely no excuse for you not to know that; the amount of excited tweets, Internet memes and overall talk of the show makes ignorance quite difficult, unless you actually do live under a rock (and if so, how are you getting this paper delivered?). If you're one of those people who doesn't watch the show (a questionable choice at best), I'm sorry for you, because you're absolutely missing out.
In any event, the week before last was a truly horrible seven days, as it had the audacity to contain three of my tests in two days. The return of "Game of Thrones" was the only thing keeping it from the unadulterated misery of, say, finals week. The spring premiere seemed to be the universe's peace offering to me, which of course I gladly accepted; some people are above bribery - I am not one of them. Of course, I watched the show Sunday night despite my rapidly approaching tests. I owed myself a study break, and - say whatever else you want about me - I always pay my debts.
There are plenty of recaps and reviews of each episode available, so if that's what you're looking for, look elsewhere. I'm certainly not qualified to do either of those things, as I would be sure to chat on about the few characters I'm rooting for and completely ignore the storylines I don't like. I would also, having read the books, both intentionally and unintentionally include spoiler after spoiler, as I'm pretty bad about that sort of thing.
So instead I'll give you my takeaway from "Game of Thrones." You see, if you attentively watch that show or carefully read the books, you'll start to notice there are a lot of pearls of wisdom buried between the gory battles, sibling snarkfests and the somewhat redundant brothel scenes that make it impossible to watch this show in public or with your parents.
For example, don't wear all black, as you might be mistaken for a brother of the Night's Watch. If you were born in the South, and you suspect your siblings are plotting to kill you, you're right; if you were born in the North, they're probably all already dead. When your phone dies, you can always try attaching a message to a nearby bird. If you need something clever to say, ask the short guy. Taking dance classes may feel dumb now, but your dancing master's training might very well save your life in the event of a surprise attack. If you have a cool pet and name it something lame, it'll probably die, but if you name it something awesome it'll live up to its name and protect you. And last but not least, do not name your kid Joffery, but if your child happens to be born when there's even a light mist of rain falling, most definitely call them Stormborn.
So you see, "Game of Thrones" really does have some valuable life lessons; they're just well-concealed. Now, I'm not saying you should pull a sword on everyone who sits in your favorite cubicle at Tisch, but if the Joey pulls away as you're running up to it - hey, that's what they made crossbows for.
Lex Erath is a sophomore majoring in economics. She can be reached at Alexandra.Erath@tufts.edu.
