By the time you're reading this, it'll be yesterday morning that I ran my first half-marathon. If you know me personally, it might be a good idea to reach out to me and make sure I'm still alive, because right now, me making it through the next 20 minutes is sort of up in the air. It was a great experience, and I'm sure in a few more hours I will be glad I did it, but I also learned a few things that I'd like to pass on to you, just in case you ever take leave of your senses in a similar fashion and register for a half-marathon of your own.
1.) Old ladies are speedier than they look. Around mile seven or so, when I was seriously hurting, I was passed on the left by a gaggle of elderly women dividing their time between speed-walking, shake-weighting and bragging about their grandchildren. Although these women were not contestants in the race and had simply overlapped with part of the route, it was still very humbling to be going slower than someone who has 50 years on me.
2.) Old age isn't that far away anyway. Forget Boston's Heartbreak Hill. This course took us over a mound of earth that should be called Torture Mountain, especially when you're nine miles in. Anyway, the only way I could force myself up that incline was to bend over until I was practically horizontal. I'm talking almost 90 degrees here. I hobbled up that slope the best I could and discovered a newfound respect for the elderly. I also realized that it's a very effective way of getting around, so I might start doing that on my way to uphill classes - fair warning.
3.) On a related note, the earth is not flat. I know someone figured this out a really long time ago (We're not the center of the universe! The earth is round! Much science!), but I'd just like to reaffirm this in everyone's minds: The earth is not flat. There are so many little mounds and humps that seem pretty harmless when you're walking or driving over them, but they are the spawn of Satan when you've been running for an hour already. And since these irritating changes in elevation serve no purpose except to steal away a little more of my soul, I say we build a giant bulldozer and make sure the earth is as flat as possible.
4.) I don't have very much dignity. After I finished, I had to wait outside in the 40 degree rain for a few friends and became more than a little cold. When my parents took us out to lunch afterward, I grabbed supplies from the back of the car and marched proudly - well, it was more of a pathetic wobble - into the restaurant wrapped in a giant blanket, which I kept around me the entire meal. I received a few strange looks from other patrons, but I didn't care one bit. Sometimes you just really don't give a crap what other people think, and this was definitely one of those times.
5.) People who run full marathons are absolutely insane and are the most impressive people in the world. I don't think this one needs all that much explanation, but let me just say that I was really struggling by the time I crossed the finish line. I couldn't even fathom running an additional 13.1 miles after the 13.1 I had just completed. Hats off to those people - you're incredible.
I'd say the most impressive thing I did today was not running a half-marathon, but staying awake to write this column. I'm pretty sure I'm still awake. And still alive. I think.
Like I said - if you know me, check up on me tomorrow.
Lex Erath is a sophomore majoring in economics. She can be reached at Alexandra.Erath@tufts.edu.
