Today I'm going to talk about sex. Not good sex. If you want to read about good sex, go check the internet. No, today I'm going to talk about bad sex. Awkward sex. Painful sex.
Yep, you guessed it: first-time sex.
There are a lot of misconceptions about virginity out there, and it kind of sucks. That idea that it's supposed to hurt the first time? Absurd. Yeah, it hurts if you go quickly or don't prepare properly, but it doesn't have to.
Or the whole thing about "popping the cherry." There's nothing to pop. If women's vaginas were covered completely before sex, how would they have periods? Yes, there is a hymen, but it's not like it covers the entire opening. That would make it very hard to use tampons.
But I'm not here to talk about that. That's basic anatomy. I imagine most of us have actually had sex by now. Instead, let's look at the idea of virginity. What makes someone a virgin? Someone sarcastic would snarkily reply "not having sex," but there are a lot of different kinds of sex. Oral sex is definitely sex; it's even in the name. So why are people who've had oral sex but not penetrative sex considered virgins?
This poses an awkward problem for the LGBT community. A lesbian can still have an active sex life. And more importantly, why does it matter so much? Why is it so embarrassing for a guy to say he's still a virgin, and so awkward for a girl to say she's not? Why do people care so much about what young adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms?
The idea that girls should "save themselves" is a little scary. What are they saving themselves from? Having a good time?
I can understand why that used to be important, back when there wasn't any birth control and having sex meant having children. I would have "saved myself" forever if that were still the case. But now various forms of protection are available and cheap enough for regular use. Admittedly, there are still some legal kinks in access to birth control for anyone who wants it, but if I were going to write about the stupidity of politicians we would be here all day.
So why do people still put so much stock in virginity? Well, I'm sure part of it is tradition. Values, especially religious ones, can be slow to keep up with the times. It's certainly a lot better than it used to be, but even in my very liberal high school, this was still something of a big deal.
The worst part is that at its core, the concept of virginity and purity are just two more ways to keep young women in line. Telling young women that they are not free to do what they wish with their own bodies, that instead they have to act in such a way to stay desirable to men - it tells young women that the only thing they're good for is getting men interested.
I'd like to think we're better than that. That as a society, we recognize the value that women have, that we recognize that it is a human's right to decide whether or not to use birth control, whether or not they're ready to have children. But the truth is, we don't.
And we just have to hope for change.
