I love your shirt!" one girl says to another. The second girl blushes. "Thanks, I got it on sale," she replies awkwardly.
"Your hair looks great today," one guy informs his girlfriend. "Ugh, no it doesn't. It looks awful," she replies.
One thing I hear guys complain about a lot is how girls can't take compliments. They don't understand why some girls brush them off, or deny any compliments given to them.
Let's think about this for a second. Say a girl does accept compliments easily. She is proud of her achievements, or her appearance, and gladly accepts all compliments because she knows that she deserves them.
Some women are like this. I'm sure lots of women are like this. But some women aren't. They hear a compliment and it reminds them of everything they don't like about themselves.
"Your hair looks great today," someone tells her, and she immediately thinks of how long it took her to get ready, how eventually she gave up and just decided to leave the house like this.
"No, it doesn't," she responds sadly, because she wishes it looked good, but she couldn't get it the way she wanted.
This is a problem that men don't seem to have as often. In fact, a lot of men are overconfident in their achievements, whereas women are unconfident.
Thankfully, this is changing. As society becomes more aware of the messages they are sending to men and women, it is becoming more socially acceptable for women to be confident and men to be unsure.
Of course, there are many other factors involved in the delicate problem of refusing compliments. Let's consider another scenario.
"What a great piece of writing," a professor tells a student. She looks away in embarrassment as the other students look on enviously. She hardly spent any time on it. She feels guilty for getting what she feels is undeserved praise.
"It still needs some work," she replies unhappily.
I'm not sure how widespread this is, but in my experience receiving compliments and seeing other women receive compliments, guilt plays an important role. It gets worse, of course, when the compliment is accompanied by a touch of envy, whether real or imagined. Suddenly the thing you are being complimented for becomes something to be embarrassed about.
I've never seen guys get embarrassed about being good at something. I'm sure it happens, because people are a large and varied bunch, but in my experience guys tend to be proud rather than embarrassed.
So why do some women get so embarrassed? I can only guess, but I have a feeling it has to do, once more, with the strange patriarchal nature of society. Women get embarrassed when praised because they've seen so many women get embarrassed when praised, or they get embarrassed because they're being put in the spotlight - I have a feeling this effect is amplified in areas that are male dominated, such as science classes. I've seen this happen a lot in my classes.
And now we come to perhaps the most important part. What this means for us, and how we fix it.
Surprise, there is no easy fix. This is a symptom of the sexism that is thriving in our society, and will only go away when we get to a true point of equality. Not politically, or economically, but mentally.
As for what we can do: women, screw social niceties, and be proud of yourselves. Men, stop complaining about women not accepting compliments. It's obviously not going to help.
People come in all shapes and sizes, and they act differently and have different preferences. But we're all people, and nothing will change that. No matter what some people think.
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