This week, my housemates and I have been indulging in mini-marathons of "Say Yes to the Dress," as a direct result of a new flat-screen TV being installed in our house. It's really fun to watch. One of the main reasons for this are the dresses themselves. Analyzing different styles - mermaid, poofy, risqu?©,?empire waist, small to moderate to huge amounts of lace and sequins - never gets old.
And neither does the endless petty drama that goes along with it. One common tension that arises is the bride finds the perfect dress - but the obstinate mother rejects it. Or sometimes, the fianc?©, who is untraditionally present, doesn't like it. And of course, because the future husband's opinion matters over all, it's back to the drawing board.
This is all very entertaining to be sure, but I've recently realized that the real draw of this show is its indulgence in feminine fantasies that many, if not most, women have. It's a narrative that we're taught from a very young age: true happiness and love culminates in a white, beautiful wedding. It's a kind of fairy tale. We land the man and then as a reward, we get to wear a huge sparkly princess dress and be the center of attention for a day.
That's the narrative that all the women on "Say Yes to the Dress" model (as the correct and dominant narrative) to their audience. It is a very normative vision of weddings and marriage. Unless I've just missed these episodes, there are very few interracial couples, no gay couples and no people hoping to celebrate a union with a long-term life partner without the official apparatus of marriage. Although the price range for the dresses varies, all the women come in expecting to pay a certain baseline amount of around $2,000. The show is clearly aimed a very specific group: white women, who want a traditional, heterosexual marriage and who can pay for it.
That aside, all female desire in the show is centered on the wedding, not marriage in and of itself. The women in the show, and by extension, the viewers (your truly), give little thought to the quality of the intimate, important relationship they are about to enter. Given that choosing a life partner is a hugely important decision in our society, that's problematic.
But on another level, what about thinking about the institution of marriage as a whole? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this structure that our society posits as so obvious and natural? All of these difficult but necessary questions can be easily avoided by simply focusing on the occasion, the ceremony, the tradition of the wedding. The wedding is the day that we, the women, get to be special. It needs to be perfect, and we're allowed to go a little crazy to make it that way (see the phenomenon of bridezillas). But what about the ways women get to be within a marriage?
The show also tells us that the way to make our wedding perfect is by purchasing the perfect things - the dress primarily, but also the cake, the ring, etc. I could argue, fairly reasonably, that the show's generation of consumer desire around weddings is really just fueling the wedding industry.
When it comes down to it, I think it's okay to indulge in these feminine fantasies from time to time - I'm definitely guilty of it. What's important is to be aware and critical of the implications, often anti-feminist, that these types of show carry. Be an informed media consumer. Pay attention to what these shows are telling you about how you should be, with regards to gender, race, class and general identity. And, when necessary, point these things out, even if it makes you a killjoy. It's worth it.
Lily Sieradzki is a junior majoring in English. She can be reached at Lily.Sieradzki@tufts.edu.
