We've noticed a new trend in Apple commercials
mostly the use of celebrities. Before, Apple would feature a close-up of the iPhone itself. But now, the disembodied finger has been replaced with recognizable actors. We like Samuel L. Jackson and Zooey Deschanel as much as the next collegiate newspaper's Arts department, but we propose a new batch of guests for the next set of commercials.
10) Lou Reed: Hello, Siri? Can you tell me the 10 nearest heroin dealers? Preferably those that accept bananas as payment.
9) James Earl Jones: Actually, we would replace Siri's monotonous female voice with this accomplished thespian. Imagine Mufasa or Darth Vader reminding you of your daily obligations.
8) Carl Kasell: Wait, wait ... do tell me. Here at the Daily, we'd give our firstborn child to the NPR gods in order to have Carl on our home answering machine.
7) Lou Ferrigno: "Yes, Mr. Ferrigno, I will locate the nearest things for you to smash."
6) Steve Buscemi: The Steve Buscemi app wouldn't talk to you, so much as stare at you with droopy eyes. Plus, his teeth are an orthodontist's wet dream.
5) Alex Trebek: After all his years of learning random knowledge, would he actually need Siri?
4) Michael Caine: Can Siri even understand British accents? We have a sneaky feeling the word "garage" could be problematic.
3) Tom Waits: Waits would be good in a commercial, but he would be even better as Siri. The directions would be long, husky and lead you to whiskey and streetwalkers.
2) Tucker Max: We'll tell you one thing, Siri won't be directing this philanderer-cum-author to Tufts University.
1) Morgan Freeman: Seriously, wouldn't Siri commercials be better with Freeman? Wouldn't Siri itself be better with Freeman's voice? Clearly, what the world needs now ... is Morgan Freeman, sweet Morgan Freeman. He's the only thing that there's just too little of.
