Let me just preface this by saying that I have never picked up a copy of "Twilight" (2005). Stephenie Meyer's now cult−classic novels were published after I had already gotten out of my painful middle school years, and perhaps because of this I never sought solace in Bella Swan's awkward and insecurity−strewn love life. Minus the hot vampire, I had already had plenty of moments of self−denial and I certainly didn't need to relive them word by angsty word alongside Ms. Swan.
After seeing the latest installment of the "Twilight" saga, I was reminded why. "Breaking Dawn: Part 1" — yes, there will be a Part 2 — is two hours of awkwardly breathy soundtracks and Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) biting her lip anxiously. Throw in an opener in which Jacob (Taylor Lautner) takes off his shirt within the first 30 seconds of the film, and you've set the scene for this cinematic gem.
There is, of course, plenty of teenaged love, and the movie starts off with Bella and Edward Cullen's (Robert Pattinson) much−anticipated wedding scene. Ms. Swan becomes Mrs. Cullen — gag — and Edward whisks Bella off to a romantic island getaway, which seems an odd choice on the part of Edward, a member of the undead community. One would think that a nice vacation basking in the island sun wouldn't exactly be up his alley. Whatever.
The awkwardness between Edward and Bella is palpable. I'm not exactly sure why these two fell in love, but if the books fill in the cracks with meaningful conversation and discussions about life choices, that part is conveniently left out by director Bill Condon. In fact, I would say the two barely speak, and most of their honeymoon is spent playing chess and avoiding sexual contact.
Speaking of sexual contact, the virginity−losing moment is completely blown up to the point where any young woman would think having sex for the time is like preparing for a nuclear disaster. See: the scene in which Stewart frantically brushes her teeth, shaves her legs and generally preps like a Kardashian within a 50−mile radius of a camera.
Despite this fact, the new couple doesn't really sit down and have a chat about the game plan. In fact, I'm fairly certain the word "sex" wasn't mentioned the entire movie — probably because it's dirty and even married people are embarrassed to talk about it. Sex obviously isn't meaningful to these two characters, and since conversation doesn't seem to make a big showing, either, I left the theater feeling perplexed about why the hell these two got married.
Above and beyond the shamelessly mockable acting, plot and grapplings with sex in a movie aimed at 13−year−olds, there are some truly disturbing aspects to "Breaking Dawn."
We find out within the first half−hour that Bella has somehow gotten herself knocked up by her vampire husband, which starts the ball rolling on the remainder of the plot. Despite the fact that enduring the vampire baby pregnancy will probably kill her, Bella decides to keep the baby. In the space of five minutes we see her body transformed from that of a young and supposedly happy newlywed to a harrowing figure that looks like a victim of anorexia. The number of screen shots which focus on her physical torture is truly disturbing, considering she is supposedly depicting an 18−year−old girl, and the producers of the film seem to go above and beyond in their task to emphasize her absolute physical agony.
Beyond the semi−sadistic images of Bella's emaciated body, the problem is that none of this is deplored. Bella's quest is righteous — Edward and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) make a fuss, but beyond that, her choice is seen as undeniably correct. Bella becomes a poster child for martyr−like sacrifice, she is encouraged to completely disregard her own well−being and this saga is only glorified.
"Breaking Dawn" hits all the same notes as its Twi−hard predecessors, but this film more than any of the others brings up the truly disturbing nature of its message for young women. It's literally impossible not to laugh at this movie — it's filled with way too much bad acting and too many intense moments that come across as slightly spastic. But beyond the tweeny packaging is a troubling message that makes "Breaking Dawn's" box office success just a little more embittering than amusing.
