During sophomore year, I was briefly involved with a guy that my friends affectionately still call "Sketchy Mike." I had just gone out on a good first date with him, and when I returned to Bush Hall later that that evening, I excitedly recounted our dinner to my friends.
"Wait, what did you say his last name was again?" one friend asked. I replied, and she paused for a second. Then she grimaced.
"I knew that name sounded familiar!" she said, before she proceeded to detail Sketchy Mike's history with the past couple of girls that he'd hooked up with and was "less than kind to" afterwards.
I didn't heed her advice to back off at first, but the next time Sketchy Mike and I went out, it was all I could think about. When he proceeded to make the same move my friend had described him pulling on other women, I grabbed my stuff and booked it.
For a long time, I've considered someone's history to be the best insight into their character and would never get involved with someone whose track record preceded them. There are plenty of "bad boys" who can come off as sweet at first, but their history says the most about them.
But the more I've thought about it, the more I've started to second guess the value of someone's reputation. To what extent should a person's reputation follow them around like a shadow? How far should you extend the benefit of the doubt and give someone a chance to prove that they've changed?
To get things straight, I'm not talking about the cute guy who's "too cool for school but goes anyway" kind of crush — I'm thinking about the guy who has a reputation for getting around or a girl who cheated on an ex−boyfriend.
Someone's personal history isn't irrelevant — it's understandable to question someone who's been unfaithful, for example, because it says something about his or her character and can foreshadow future behavior.
It's important to know what you're getting yourself into. If you've heard someone described as "not much of a relationship person," well, don't go into it expecting a relationship.
On the other hand, give things a chance. You never know — maybe that girl or guy turned over a new leaf. It's worth giving someone a second chance to prove that they've changed, so long as you're prepared if they do live up to everything you've heard.
It's one of those "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" situations.
A friend of mine has recently been testing the waters with someone whose reputation precedes him, trying to balance the dubious stories from his past with the optimistic chance that he's changed.
After hearing about his hookup adventures from freshman year and the way he had treated women in the past, she had dismissed him when they first met.
However, as she got to know him better, she started to see that his reputation wasn't the only side of him. Still, mutual friends kept dropping lines like, "You're a good girl, just watch out with him," and, "Just remember that I told you so."
She gave him a chance, but remained cautious. "I guess it's kind of like a guilty until proven innocent situation," she said. "If you have doubts about someone, it takes a little more to build trust."
The jury is still deliberating on her case, but I think that my friend is in a good position if things work out or not. Her open−mindedness with a side of skepticism seems like a good attitude to approach not only dating, but getting to know people in general.
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
