You remember those orientation−week rookie mistakes during freshman year: traveling in hordes to random off−campus parties, signing up for Friday 8:30 a.m. classes, trying (and failing) to navigate though the South Hall maze.
Don't forget hooking up with the girl who lived "conveniently" just down the hall during the first week, only to awkwardly avoid eye contact for the next month. Despite all the advice we're told about avoiding "dormcest," it's almost like a college rite of passage — a lesson you've got to learn from personal experience.
Throughout college we all get involved in different situations and relationships across campus. Sometimes they involve the girl who (literally) lives next door. Other times, it's the guy who's in the far corner of Lewis. Maybe you'll get lucky and meet someone who lives three houses down, or maybe you'll fall for someone who lives all the way on North Street. However, relationships certainly feel the impact of campus geography — especially the ones that develop within a few yards of each other.
So perhaps you thought you could rise above "hallcest," despite conventional wisdom. I still remember my innocent freshman self falling (briefly! naively!) for the guy who lived two doors down from me … the first weekend of school (am I a walking college cliché or what?). The two of us stumbled back to Houston one night after a party, and we kept up our affair for a little while.
For a week or two the perks were great! We already had a bunch of hallmate friends in common! We were conveniently located for afternoon sporadic "study breaks!"
And then, he met someone else. I could tell something was up when he walked by my room one day without even saying "hi." Afterwards, he thought avoidance was the best tactic, but umm … we passed each other multiple times a day. I felt weird bringing other guys back to the hall and had to see him with his girlfriend constantly. Not to mention, those old "hallmate friends" are STILL teasing me about it three years later.
Hallcest plus two years' experience? That's what I like to refer to as "housecest," or off−campus intra−house relationships.
The prospect of seeing an ex−boyfriend/current housemate bring home other women seems insane to consider in my opinion, but there are a few couples who take the risk every year. Perhaps I'm biased because almost all the couples I've known at Tufts that have moved in together have since broken up, but it seems like it might be best to stick with cross−campus coupling if you're in a relationship.
One of my friends who is living with an ex−girlfriend stated the obvious.
"Pros? You live with them, so you see them all the time while you're dating. Cons? You live with them, so you see them all the time when you break up," he said.
Still, despite the fact that the tide's against you, if you've thought about it and your fellow South Hall sweetie really is the one for you, don't let conventional wisdom stop you.
Sometimes things are meant to work out — Peter Gallagher (LA '77) said in a speech at Tufts a few years ago that he met his future wife in the Bush Hall stairwell the first week of his freshman year. And despite the fact that I think living together in college is a little crazy, my own parents moved in together during their junior year, and almost thirty years later, well, neither one has moved out.
For most of us, however, it's probably best to consider whether or not it's worth the potential consequences of a hallmate hookup if things don't work out.
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