I kind of feel responsible for Tiger Woods' recent scandal. Was I just setting him up to fail by singing his praises in a column from September? What other sorts of vast powers do I have that I have no knowledge of? And how much of a chump do I feel like for buying into the "Tiger Woods, all-American family man" illusion just like everyone else?
In all fairness to myself, I never really had a choice. The Tiger I wrote about — the Tiger we've seen for 13 years — never seemed anything less than squeaky-clean, which was the gist of that column: that the media was trying to bring Tiger down for minor flaws, because there was nothing actually wrong with him. Well, we were all wrong.
Honestly, though, it's hard to crucify Tiger for his indiscretions. One of the most famous men of our time lives in a world we could never comprehend. It's naive and condescending to criticize his decisions when we can't understand his circumstances.
What we can blame Tiger for, however, was his initial, lame insistence on respecting the privacy of his family. Sorry, Tiger, you entered into a social contract years ago. In return for those billions of dollars, we get to know every detail of your private life that we can uncover. For you to claim that you "have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means" suggests that you went through the first 34 years of your life with your eyes and ears shut. Really, Tiger, you're surprised that an industry that pays millions of dollars for exclusive baby pictures and makes claims about the president's gay lovers on a weekly basis will go to any length to tarnish the legacy of the most squeaky-clean athlete of our time?
You were sleeping with a girl who appeared on VH1's "Tool Academy." You really thought that was going to end well? The idea never crossed your mind that a girl who whored herself out to the money-grubbing pimp that is reality television might not be particularly trustworthy? You should have known that telling a young woman who was clearly emotionally unstable (she was dating a guy whose nickname on "Tool Academy" was "Loud Mouth Tool") that you wanted to only be with her ("Quietly and secretly we will always be together") might come back to bite you in the ass when she realized that that was a complete lie. Your pathetic pseudo-apology isn't helping matters either; admit what your "transgressions" were, or it doesn't mean anything.
Again, Tiger is human and we all make mistakes, but for one of the world's biggest celebrities, with a carefully crafted public persona, to ask for privacy is hypocritical and a joke.
Other notes on the scandal:
Tiger apparently told his "Tool Academy" mistress that he felt he wasn't as financially secure as he wanted to be. Jesus, how's that supposed to make the rest of us feel?
Professional athletes, if you needed any more evidence that Derek Jeter should be your relationship role model, here it is. The man has dated and broken up with an almost absurd string of attractive women and has never received any negative publicity. Don't marry and you won't get in trouble. Simple as that.
How has no one thrown "gate" at the end of a word for this scandal yet? Tigergate? Escaladegate? Overzealous, cliché-loving media, you've had 35 years to figure these things out. Step it up.
--
Ethan Frigon is a junior majoring in economics and international relations. He can be reached at Ethan.Frigon@tufts.edu.