On a Friday night, it's pretty common to see students tossing back a couple of drinks and sizing up the guys and girls at any given party. Hookups are considered the norm on campus, but it's a rare event to plan out a date, agonize over the perfect cute-but-not-trying-too-hard outfit, and worry about keeping the conversation going for an hour or two.
While there's nothing wrong with the occasional random hookup, I often feel like there just aren't enough opportunities to casually date at Tufts. And when it comes down to it, a brief make-out with that cute girl from chem lab in a frat basement is quite a different experience from one at her door at the end of an awesome first date.
Casual dating holds its own allure yet it's often missing from the campus scene. When else do you specifically spend time with someone you don't know well as a way to size them up?
The best dates are fun nights that open the potential for a relationship (or maybe just facilitate the transition from the walk home to kicking your door shut and launching your hook-up playlist).
And the worst? Awkward conversation aside, at the least you got to know someone new, explored a new restaurant, museum or neighborhood and probably got a little excitement out of the evening, too.
By definition, casual dating is dating without the commitment. This means keeping yourself open to new opportunities and, really, hedging your bets by spending time with different people. It's not about worrying if he's "your type" or if she would make a good girlfriend — it's about giving it a shot.
As my mother loves to point out, college really is the only time when you'll be around so many single people your age. There are more good-looking, smart, available ladies and gentlemen on the Tufts campus than you'll probably interact with at any other point in life.
You might ask why I'm the one giving you dating advice. Truth be told, I'm not one to put much stock in dating advice, and there are a ton of awful suggestions out there (just pick up any issue of Cosmo). But I enjoy going on dates and have had my fair share of adventures and misadventures. I can offer some ideas … or at least amusing anecdotes.
One of the major lessons to keep in mind is that everyone looks at things differently — everyone has his own opinions on what makes an amazing date or whether "dating" is little more than a forced social tradition where people constantly worry if anything's stuck in their teeth.
So take my personal "advice" with a grain of salt. I don't have a recipe for the perfect date, nor do I always avoid super awkward ones. But who does? And what fun would dating be if going out with someone was formulaic and always within your comfort zone?
In this column, with the help of friends, I hope to dole out some suggestions, challenge assumed dating norms, maybe conduct some research (you know, log official exit polls at the end of all my friends' dates, keep scientific stats on most popular dinner date restaurants, hold focus groups … just kidding).
Perhaps I'm pushing an agenda, but while I doubt that a college dating scene will ever rival the hookup culture on campus, I hope to get people thinking and maybe even inspire a few more Dave's Fresh Pasta dinner dates.
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
