In the wave of dating conversations I've had since last week's column, about 90 percent have ended with me exclaiming, "So why don't you just ask him/her to grab coffee on Friday and get it out there?" only to stir up a myriad of excuses.
I felt even worse about the dating attitude on campus after a guy friend complained about how he'd never been on a date at college. Why? "I don't know … It's Tufts … People don't really date here," he said.
Please. You can't complain about the lack of dating scene when you sit back and just expect to be asked out. Yes, I understand that asking someone out is kind of nerve-wracking, but c'mon Tufts. Why not take a little initiative and just ask?
Let's take the easiest situation — asking out a new acquaintance. It's really all about going balls-to-the-wall. Think about it: When are you really going to see this person again?
My favorite example is when I got asked out near the ATMs in the campus center. Randomly. This guy caught my eye as I was walking away from the Rez, said that I looked really familiar, and asked if I had been in New York City that summer.
I hadn't, but we ended up talking for a few minutes and maybe there was a little chemistry. He asked me for my number at the end, and frankly, why not?
Despite Tufts' small size, we couldn't expect to run into each other again soon. If either of us was going to ask the other out, we really only had one chance. I had no reason to turn him down, and theoretically, if I had the chances of an awkward run-in were pretty slim.
Same applies for the cute girl in Tisch, the guy you chatted with on the T or even the girl you just finished hooking up with if you're interested in seeing her again. Why not just go for it?
It gets more complicated if your love interest is a little more serious, or if you see him or her on a regular basis. Not only does a 10:30 a.m. econ class give you an excuse to put off asking (there's always Thursday's lecture), but getting rejected by the girl who sits next to you twice a week can be pretty brutal.
Catastrophe aside, consider this: Are you ever going to think of that chem lab partner as … just a lab partner? Would you rather secretly harbor that crush on your best friend, instead of risking some awkwardness but finally getting it out there?
Best case, maybe you'll find yourself in a blossoming relationship. Absolute worst case is losing a friendship that you always wanted more from anyway.
And to be honest, rejection stings but it's not the worst thing ever. The first time I asked someone out, well, let's just say that it didn't end too well. It didn't matter that I stammered a bit while asking or that I didn't have a pen to write down his number. It was just a rejection in the worst sense: long, drawn out and ended up turning into a pity AFD (Awkward Friend Date) at the Commons.
Seeing as he worked at the Rez every Tuesday, and I couldn't survive my 9:00 a.m. lab without a double espresso, yeah, it was a little weird afterward. But hey, I was able to laugh it off with a few female interviewers a week later, when they asked, "When was the last time you really took a chance and put yourself out there?" I always would have wondered "what if," if I hadn't. No regrets.
A good date is worth the risk.
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
