Recently, actor Mickey Rourke, star of Darren Aronofsky's "The Wrestler" (2008), entered into WWE's WrestleMania 25, a pro-wrestling competition scheduled for early April, only to pull out at the last minute. We got our hopes up imagining Rourke's character, Randy "the Ram" Robinson, in real life. This led us to discuss which characters we wish were real, and this week's Top 10 was born.
10. Lara Croft: She kicks butt and takes names, all the while looking good and having fun. While she probably wouldn't be your best friend, she would definitely have your back in a fight.
9. Paul Blart: Our malls will never be safe without him.
8. Mrs. Doubtfire: Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire is the nanny we all wish we had. She brings families together, provides comedic relief, and is perhaps the best person to ever "Do It Like A Lady."
7. Harry Potter: Even before we saw his junk, he was still the best catch in all of fantasy history. And nobody said anything about making Ginny real...
6. Wall-E: With no viable solution to global warming in sight, it would be nice to have an adorable and sensitive little trash compactor around to help rebuild ecosystems. On lunch breaks he could teach everyone "Sunday Clothes" with Gene Kelly choreography.
5. Mary Poppins: Every child deserves a jolly holiday with Mary. Plus, she'd make a killing if she mass-produced that purse of hers.
4. Jack Sparrow: Not only is he a pirate, but he's also the only pirate that can pull off more eyeliner than Kate Moss and braided beard hair. Jack also manages to solve the movie's mystery while still being oblivious to everything around him. While some think his effeminate walk shows he's spent too much time aboard ship with his mateys, the ladies know the real truth.
3. Doc Brown: Anyone who can convert the most impractical car ever made into the most ballin'-est floating-time-machine-ever-that-needs-to-go-exactly-88-miles-per-hour-so-that-its-flux-capacitor-can-send-it-back-in-time-but-oh-wait-it-runs-on-garbage-so-we're-all-set-now-it's-a-train-that-floats-too car should be real. Roads? Phooey. Where we're going, we don't need roads! God bless those arbitrary old scientists.
2. Chewbacca: This trusty Wookie is a fantastic side-kick for any dangerous space adventures. He's pretty handy with that laser-shooting crossbow, and he's also fairly useful as a walking carpet or gigantic sponge.
1. James Bond: Let's face it: The world would be a much safer and sexier place with 007 working in the shadows. Evildoers and mad scientists, beware. This smooth-talking Brit has more gadgetry and flippant remarks in his arsenal than you'll be able to handle, no matter how many "shaken, not stirred" martinis he's downed.
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