As college freshmen pack up their belongings and make their way to college, those who are involved in romantic relationships must inevitably face an age-old, difficult decision: break up or stay together?
Whether a new student is moving several states away from his or her high school sweetheart or only ten miles away, college is a time of change -- new friends, new classes and, essentially, a new life. It can be difficult to maintain a relationship with so many novelties, especially when the other person involved is not a part of them. And with the typical college student's hectic schedule, it can prove tough to find time to see each other, regardless of size of the distance between them.
Freshman Rebecca Wang chose to stay with her high school boyfriend when coming to Tufts.
"We still liked each other, so we didn't want to break up," she said. "We also were going to college in the same city, so we didn't think it'd be too hard."
Yet the pair recently decided to end things. For Wang, seeing her boyfriend was still difficult despite his close proximity to Tufts. "It was hard to find time when [we] were both free," she said.
Another concern among many couples is that maintaining a high school relationship throughout college will hurt their respective social lives in their new setting.
"I really wanted to be single coming into the first year [at Tufts]," freshman Anna Chatillon said. "I didn't want to be on the phone in my room all the time instead of out meeting people."
Freshman Alyson Yee agreed. "I was really concerned [being in a relationship] would hurt my social life. I felt it would inhibit me meeting people and be an extra distraction," she said.
Yee, who broke up with her high school boyfriend before coming to college, said that the decision was not difficult.
"We hadn't been together that long. I really think for long distance relationships, you have to be in it 100 percent," she said. "We were in a new relationship, didn't know each other that well and weren't too attached," she said.
Still, many couples do not consider breaking up, despite the slew of potential problems.
"We never really talked about breaking up. It was pretty much assumed we'd stay together," freshman Katie Russel said, referring to her boyfriend, who is currently a student at the Air Force Academy in Colorado.
For other couples, the decision process is more complicated, especially when long distance, which notoriously strains relationships, is a factor.
Chatillon knew she would be moving to Boston for her first year of college while her boyfriend remained in their home state of Texas. She faced a tough decision.
"We were really, really happy," she said. "[But we broke up because] we decided long distance would be too complicated."
Although family and friends are quick to offer their expert advice, there are no clear cut answers to this dilemma. Staying together allows the relationship to continue, but couples will almost inevitably have to weather the storms of long-distance challenges. And while a clean breakup helps avoid these complications, it might mean having to end a good thing.
Russell admitted that keeping up her relationship is hard but, for her, is worthwhile.
"Sometimes I think [the relationship] is limiting me and it's too hard to maintain, but ... I don't regret [staying together]," she said. "I would say don't only break up because you're going to college and you think it won't work. It'll be hard, but you'll figure out a way to make it work."
Junior Michael Hancock also found a way to deal with the setbacks. Hancock and his girlfriend, a senior at Tufts, have been dating since high school. While they now attend college together, they had to survive a year of long distance first.
"I was in northern Maine, so it wasn't like I could just hop on a bus [to see her]," he said. "There were a couple of weekends when I could come see her, but long distance itself [was] just hard."
But Hancock and his girlfriend never considered breaking up as an option and figured out a way to continue their relationship. He only applied to schools in the Boston area and eventually ended up joining his girlfriend here at Tufts.
"Be willing to compromise ... so [the relationship] eventually won't be long distance," he said. "It can't be long distance forever. It just won't work."
Whether a couple chooses to stay together or break up, though, the initial decision and the relationship's status are not set in stone.
After breaking up at the end of the summer, Chatillon and her boyfriend decided to get back together a couple of months into the school year, and they remained together through winter break until breaking up again just recently.
And sometimes, a relationship status lies somewhere between simply together or broken up. While it may be less conventional, some couples opt for an open relationship in which with both partners are free to date other people while still maintaining the boyfriend-girlfriend connection.
Freshman Emma Dillon and her boyfriend decided to try an open relationship when they went to college, because they were not quite willing to end things but felt that college was a time to explore.
"Because we had been dating for three years already, it felt kind of constraining to go to college and have that kind of relationship," she said. "If we were exclusive going into college we would have not been with anyone else ... during a time when you're supposed to experience other people."
Still, Dillon and her boyfriend chatted on Skype every day and communicated constantly through text messages and phone calls. "[An open relationship] worked out because we get along extremely well and we don't fight ever," she said. "And we're both not jealous people. I don't get jealous about physical stuff, just emotional stuff."
The two recently decided to become exclusive again, but Dillon warned that an open relationship is not for everyone.
"An open relationship only works if you're OK with physical contact between your significant other and another person," she said.
