After losing power for an extended period of time this Sunday, Tufts, like the rest of the world, has been forced to examine alternative energy sources. As usual, that got us here at the Daily thinking about what we could do on a small scale to save (or create) energy. The Arts section had some suggestions of our own:
10. Impose mandatory blindness: In case you haven't seen the movie "Blindness," which came out last week, the basic plot of the movie sees (haha, get it?) everyone in the world going blind. If no one at Tufts had sight, we wouldn't need electricity to see stuff, because we wouldn't see. Though, the implications of this are pretty radical … we'd probably evolve into a post-apocalyptic wandering tribe of subterranean mole-people. Did I say radical? I meant awesome.
9. Befriend Andrew W.K.: Party Hard! Party Hard! Party Hard! Party Hard! Party Hard!
8. Expand ‘Do It In The Dark': Why does doing it in the dark have to apply only to sex? From now on, ‘it' is everything you do on a day-to-day basis. Making an omelet? Do it in the dark. Shaving? Do it in the dark. Your physics problem set? Do it in the dark. As a plus, it will be a very smooth transition to sex.
7. Find a method of turning Kevin Federline's undeserved sense of accomplishment into useable energy: This really shouldn't be that hard. Attach some electrodes to his brain and play back "Po Po Zao" for him a few times. His opinion of himself will go off the charts.
6. Do away with the Daily's sports section: Let's face it — the sports coverage shows up after the Sudoku, so nobody actually gets far enough in the Daily to read it anyway. Think of how much energy we could create during the next blackout by compiling all of the paper we would have used for hopscotch coverage (or whatever they write about these days) and burning it for fuel.
5. Find Madonna's source: Where does she get all her energy from? The woman has reinvented herself about 17 times while still maintaining a body like a Greek sculpture, not to mention the massive amount of press attention and strife she's had to go through in her life (divorce #2 was confirmed yesterday).
4. Art history majors on treadmills: Let's face it — art history majors are desperate for jobs, and the career fairs offer no answers, so why not start a need-based system of employment and hire all the art history majors to generate power by running on treadmills? All of that pent-up energy that usually goes into reading and writing papers could be put to good use, and in an entertaining way (ever seen someone try to run in skinny jeans?). We could even stage it in a museum and tell them that it's modern art.
3. Emo tears: If we can get all the obligatory self-loathing musicians into one room, their collective emo tears might be able to power a small turbine. Heck, if Gerard Way, Robert Smith, Morrissey and all of Hawthorne Heights were left in a room, they might just drown themselves while powering a small city.
2. Eliminate all techno music: Trance, house, electronica: All heinous examples of over-use of energy through lights and speakers at the expense of human energy. Mr. DJ, stop pushing buttons for a second and pick up a guitar. Oh wait; you can't actually play music, can you? Though night clubs might lose some business, stoners in search of an escape can just turn to harder drugs, where the lights and music are already provided.
1. Screw it, just light a candle: We all know that text message was intended for LOLcats anyway. "Pls don't use candles?" How else will we read the Daily? Come on, this is Tufts ... We doubt there's anyone dumb enough on this campus to actually start a fire from their candle during a blackout ... right?
— compiled by the Daily Arts Department
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