While most of us are gearing up to kiss Tufts goodbye for a solid week, we at the Daily arts department, ingrates that we are, have been thinking of other things we could use a break from. Why stop at a random week in March? If the concept of spring break could be carried over to the arts world, just think of what a better world this would be. So in the spirit of vacation, we present our top ten additional things we could use a break from:
10. Teen pregnancies: Between Jamie Lynn Spears and Juno, haven't we had enough of these lately? Don't they start teaching this stuff in middle school? That's plenty of time! We know Spring Break is coming up, and what with all those tropical hijinks, we just hope that no one has any accidental visitors. And by visitors we mean babies. Like the stork. Isn't that how it works?
9. Scenester pop-punk bands ? la Fall Out Boy: There are so many tight-pants-wearing, wispy-banged, product-in-hair Pete Wentz clones out there today that it's difficult to keep track of them, let alone remember which band it is you actually like. It would be nice to have Alternative Press cease production for a month and take a break from hearing about the next 40 bands that all the sound the same, look the same and are heading to the same place: the discount bin.
8. Lolcats: Let's preface this one by saying that we here at the Daily love lolcats - perhaps more than a healthy amount - but especially during midterms, those guys are just too distracting. If ICanHasCheezburger.com could go down for a few days, we might actually be able to finish our papers. Uh oh... Surprise buttsecks!
7. Celebrities-turned-singers: Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff and company: All of you need to just stop. We don't want a break from you, we just want you to never be seen or heard from again. As for you, Scarlett Johansson, if you actually release that album of Tom Waits covers you claim to have recorded, we're coming for you, and your Canadian boyfriend, too.
6. Britney Spears: Nervous breakdowns, pregnancy, baldness, alcoholic rampages, child endangerment, cameos on "How I Met your Mother" - seriously, what hasn't Britney done? We've even seen parts of her that only the Kevin Federlines of the world should be exposed to - and no, that's not a compliment. Britney, you're a disgrace to the human species, and we would like for you to disappear. Forever.
5. Political coverage: If this were on CNN or FOX, there would be a little pie chart completely one color, and that color would represent how sick and tired we are of redundant, cloying, manipulative political coverage. Then the overly groomed news commentator would show you exactly the same data, but this time on an interactive graph. Oh, the technology.
4. Pancreatic cancer: Though none of us personally have any experience with this disease, we'd appreciate it if cancer would take a break from attacking Patrick Swayze's pancreas. We haven't even made any ghost-on-human sex references in our top ten yet. Give us more time!
3. Will Ferrell sports comedies: Honestly, rehashing "Blades of Glory" and "Talladega Nights" just isn't going to cut it anymore. His hair may be getting bigger, but the jokes aren't getting any funnier. We at the Daily have already decided to boycott Ferrell's next ridiculous romp in a flashy uniform, which at this point will probably involve bobsledding.
2. Reality TV: When not watching Blitzer explain political pie charts, we're forced to sit through the only other shows on television: stuff like Oprah's giving contest or a battle of the wits between dads. If we find out about one more "American Idol" season, we're going to have to gouge our eyes (and ears) out. The writers are back; let's put them to work already.
1. Coming up with Top Ten lists: Thought it might seem easy, it's actually rather difficult to keep coming up with these lists without continuously referencing Natalie Portman, Britney Spears or celebrity diseases. Enjoy your Spring Break - we sure will!
-compiled by the Daily arts department
