By the time this paper hits the stands, it's safe to say Kanye West's "Graduation" will have sold significantly more copies than 50 Cent's "Curtis."
In a recent declaration, 50 Cent claimed that West's sales performance was predictable, because Def Jam, the label which carries Kanye, would buy thousands of copies of the album simply to compete with 50 Cent's new coaster. In his infinite wisdom, 50 predicts that "Graduation's" sales will drop dramatically during the second week, while "Curtis'" sales will stay strong - due, he claims, to the sizable number of 50 Cent listeners waiting to pick up their paychecks this Friday.
While all this seems highly improbable, it is far from the most outlandish claims 50 makes on his third mainstream outing, named for the artist himself, Curtis Jackson. In an absolutely ludicrous diss track titled, "Fully Loaded Clip," 50 Cent expresses his intent to "pee" on such established rappers as Jay-Z, Nas and Lil Wayne.
Some might laud this track as courageous. But Jackson's inability to properly respond to numerous diss tracks from Cam'ron and the rest of Dipset in the past two years shows that while 50 Cent thrives on the publicity of "rap beef," actually winning these battles isn't exactly his fort?©.
"Fully Loaded Clip" is one of several extremely formulaic tracks that brings mainstream hip-hop to new lows. "Come and Go" combines an incredibly boring beat with Fiddy's imaginary lyrical skills, while "Movin' On Up" recycles an old G-Unit beat and features our protagonist saying, well, basically nothing.
Among the numerous guest appearances, Nicole Scherzinger absolutely ruins the great beat of "Fire," and Eminem does nothing to dispel fears of him losing his abilities on the bizarre "Peep Show."
Strangely enough, Tony Yayo manages to outshine 50 on the album's closing tracks, reminding us how weak the entire G-Unit crew really is.
After hearing these cuts, it's hard to believe that "Curtis" could ever seriously challenge "Graduation." Nevertheless, "Curtis" is not without its (relative) strengths. The ubiquitous track "I Get Money" features one of the album's most memorable lines: "Get a tan? I'm already black/ Rich? I'm already that," along with a sample of '80s rapper Milk Dee spitting, "I get money/ Money I got," which provides a great hook to an already excellent, mildly electronic beat.
This affinity for electronic beats also shows up in "Ayo Technology." The song is an ode to strippers that, thanks to Timbaland's stellar production and Justin Timberlake's presence on the hook, is an instant hit.
"All of Me," is a collaboration with Mary J. Blige, who seems somewhat out of place in this gangsta rap fantasy. Nonetheless, her line "Your body is callin' me/ You got me feelin' like a fiend on crack" is probably the smartest thing said on the album.
Indeed, for the most part, Fifty Cent puts on an incredible display of stupidity, regardless of how good the production value of the music is. On "Straight to the Bank," one can only laugh along with 50 during the chorus after he mentions that his Lamborghini doors go up like "Go-Go Gadget" and that he has "more whips than a runaway slave."
The charisma that propelled "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" to its dizzying success is largely absent from this release, with only "Follow My Lead" recalling previous mellow tracks such as "21 Questions" or "Many Men."
All of this will probably not convince the average consumer to buy "Curtis." These 17 tracks by a washed-up rapper, now completely devoid of talent and pretending to be New York's greatest gangster, clearly have a limited target audience.
But this is exactly why "Curtis" is worth a listen or two - it's astounding the man made it this far.
