When future generations look back at the contributions made by humanity in the first years of the third millennium, they will unanimously agree our greatest achievement is the discovery that the Internet can be used to transmit videos to millions of people of your friend getting hit in the groin or kittens falling asleep. Forget revolutionizing commerce and streamlining communication, YouTube.com has found the real reason that the Internet was invented. Recognizing its contribution to humankind, YouTube.com has patted itself on the back with the recent unveiling of the first annual YouTube Video Awards. The results aren't very surprising, but creative videos like OK Go's ubiquitous treadmill dance and Madyeti47's Pixar-like "Kiwi" do deserve to be honored. To do our part in glorifying YouTube.com, the Daily presents our favorite videos, all of which are immeasurably better when you should be writing a paper.
10) Chad Vader - If anyone online is challenging YouTube.com's superiority in the realm of Internet video, it's Channel101.com, which has hosted genius shows like "Yacht Rock" and "House of Cosbys" and created the recent television debut of VH1's "Acceptable TV." "Chad Vader" makes the most of the brilliantly simple premise of Darth Vader working as the manager at a grocery store. After "Chad Vader" was voted off Channel101.com's Web site they decided to continue on YouTube.com and have only attracted more viewers since.
9) Mr. T: "Be Somebody"- What's better than a Mr. T motivational movie? A Mr. T motivational movie with small children. What's better than that? A Mr. T motivational movie with children in which Mr. T raps the entire soundtrack. You may be too young to remember "The A Team," but I pity the fool who doesn't laugh when Mr. T explains how he bought his dozens of gold chains in order to remind himself of his roots.
8) George Washington Rap - There are many myths about George Washington that have recently been disputed, such as the magnitude of his cherry tree encounter, his ability to skip a silver dollar across the Potomac, or his wooden teeth. These myths, however, are far too lame to get today's Ritalin-popping children to care about this enigmatic figure, but biting a deer in half and pushing a burning school building full of British children off a cliff might just do the trick. Plus, it's all true.
7) Kelly Videos - Almost as quotable as "Napoleon Dynamite" (2004), YouTube.com videos such as "Shoes," "Let me borrow that top," "Text Message Breakup" and, of course, "Muffins" have exploded throughout the 'net. From shoe-obsessed teenagers to whiskey-drinking grandmothers, "Kelly's" cross-dressing never ceases to amuse, not to mention she also teaches valuable life lessons such as, "you can't text message break-up!!"
6) Candy Mountain - While you may want to either throw your computer out the window and/or end your life through the first half of the video, Charlie the unicorn's eventual fate will leave you unable to stand due to non-stop laughter for hours. There is something about the inane, aggravating beginning that makes the last line so much better.
5) Charlie Brown - A Christmas Story (Scrubs Style) - The cast of Scrubs decided that for this holiday season they would do a voice over of "Charlie Brown's A Christmas Story" (1965). It is absolutely shocking how perfectly Zach Braff's whiny, often pathetic voice lines up to Charlie Browns' frown and glazed-over look.
4) Panda Sneeze - There isn't much to this video. It's one of the short-but-sweet encounters on the Web, but that just means you get to play it over and over again in succession, until the novelty of a tiny panda sneeze scaring its mother finally wears off. It's hard to identify its allure: it may just be the cuteness of the panda chewing, the haunting echo of the sneezing sound, or the way she looks at the camera afterwards as if to say "what the hell?," but it is certainly 14 seconds that will better anyone's life.
3) Nintendo 64 - Never before has the influence of video games in American culture been so fully illustrated as by this particular Christmas morning. With the impassioned force of a fist-thrust in the air and the chant, "YES YES YES!," this boy may be acting upon what many of us feel when we open such a gift, but we just don't have that slow motion demonic voice to make shouting "SIXTY-FOOUUUURR" worthwhile.
2) Leprechaun in Mobile - Even though most of us would guess it was actually a "crack-head who got hooked to the wrong stuff," this video can make us all believers in leprechauns. Between the chillingly detailed amateur sketch and the special leprechaun flute from "thousands of years ago," citizens of Mobile, Ala. can celebrate St. Patrick's Day the way it's supposed to be - shouting "gimme the gold!" at a tree trunk.
1) Star Wars Kid - No other video is as engrained in pop culture as this (think George Michael's own video on "Arrested Development"). Even though everyone has seen it, this video tops our list because it stands in for all those videos that schoolmates post online showing their "friends" in embarrassing and/or painful footage. From the "look at me being serious" USC student government leader who found his office filled with balloons to every video of a skateboard trick or backyard stunt gone horribly wrong, an Internet video's greatness is directly proportional to the amount of cruelty it presents. Nothing online is more mean-spirited than the laughter inspired by the Star War Kid's awkward flaying and swinging - and that's exactly why it has the number one spot.-by the Daily Arts department
