Having been in Medford/Somerville all my life, I've turned into what some might call a "celebrity." People taking my picture, asking for an autograph, flashing me as they drive by: these are all the things that my stardom has made me learn to deal with.
Unfortunately, I've reached a level of fame that makes it difficult to know if I'm making new friends because they like Pete or because they want to be seen with the townie (which is completely understandable; I'd be friends with me). With all that said, there are two friends I will always be able to trust: my dogs. (That's not slang; I'm way too white/uncool to use it that way.)
That's right, when all else fails, I can always count on my toy fox terrier and my boxer to bring me out of the doldrums of the Medford spotlight.
Before I talk about how awesome my dogs are, I first think it's important to hate on cats. I have trouble trusting a guy if he says he's a cat person over a dog person. That'd be like showing up at a barbecue and asking for a veggie burger (an unforgivable sin for any guy that hasn't yet dealt with clogged arteries).
But seriously, other than being cute as kittens, what do cats bring to the table? They're too independent to ever get to know them, they have very little personality, and at any moment, they can lash out and decide to claw your eyes out. Being a cat person would be like dating Paris Hilton on crack.
Dogs are called man's best friend for a reason. They are supremely loyal and will always put a smile on your face no matter what mood you're in. My first dog, a toy fox terrier (toy foxes look like Jack Russells, only a lot cuter), was actually bought by my brother when he was in college at St. Anselm's.
We named him Deuce ("Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo" [1999] had just come out, and be honest, it's a sick name for a small dog) and he was so small you could easily hold him in one hand. Without Deuce, my brothers and I are natural magnets for the opposite sex for any number of reasons. But toss that little nut into the equation and we're like guys from an Axe commercial: It was actually dangerous to walk around without security.
That's really one thing you can always count on with Deuce; he just rakes in the b---hes (female dogs; that joke's a no brainer). Unfortunately for my brother and his roommates, St. Anselm's has strict rules about having dogs on campus, so my brother sent the little guy to my parents to avoid expulsion, and he's been there ever since.
A few years later, my oldest brother also decided to buy a dog, a boxer he named Declan. When he finished business school and jobs took him to New York and London, my brother left Declan to my family out of fairness to the dog. (I never thought my brothers would give me hand-me-down Champion sweat suits and two puppies.)
Declan is easily one of the friendliest dogs I have ever met, although you should avoid getting too close to his face, since he loves to lick almost as much as Jenna Jameson. Imagine having a big, dumb, athlete football-player friend who never gets mad unless someone threatens you and who can eat an entire slice of pizza in under three seconds. That's what Declan is in dog terms.
The best way I can describe the relationship between Deuce and Declan is to compare it to the main characters in the book "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck. Deuce is George, the smart, sharp-tongued leader and Declan is Lennie, the big dumb oaf.
If Deuce barks out the window, Declan does too. If Deuce licks the spot where he was neutered, Declan follows suit. The only problem I have with the two of them is that Deuce constantly tries to show his dominance over Declan. Mainly, he does so by trying to mount Declan. Very embarrassing, I know, but it's a non-sexual way for smaller dogs to be the focus of attention, even if it does look like they belong on a ranch near Brokeback Mountain.
So the next time you see a boxer, toy fox or any dog around campus, don't hesitate to go up and give it some love. Don't hesitate to talk to the owner either, because odds are, it's my father.
Pete McKeown is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached at
peter.mckeown@tufts.edu.
