As an alumnus who has donated over four million dollars to Tufts University, I look forward to the days when Tufts gives back to its former students. My favorite such event is Spring Fling, where "famous" bands from around the country come to perform for the student body - and, more importantly, for alumni who return to revisit their glory days.
I was disappointed when I saw the line-up of bands that the Tufts Concert Band chose for this year's Spring Fling: Guster, Blackalicious, and The Slip. I would like to begin by saying that Blackalicious is awesome. The Tufts Concert Board has consistently chosen superior hip hop groups to invite to campus. That being said, I now have some tips for the Tufts Concert Board that will help it to select better line-ups in the future.
Tip #1: Headliners should headline. If a band has a real concert scheduled later in the day and requests to perform first instead of last, tell them thanks but no thanks. That is the situation with Guster this year. Instead of performing last, as one might imagine a headliner would, they will be performing first. Nobody shows up to see the first band. The concert starts way too early (something like 8 a.m.), and people need time to pre-party and get drunk before the show. I think everyone would agree that it would be better to get a less-worthy headliner that will actually headline.
Tip #2: No more Guster. They came to my Spring Fling when I was a freshman. They put on a good show and told some funny stories about when they were at Tufts. And I get it - we are all very proud of Guster for bringing some fame to the Tufts name. But their unique brand of unassuming pseudo-rock is not going to get the crowd riled up no matter how hard they bang those bongos. What happened to bands that rock? Which brings me to my next tip.
Tip #3: No more jam bands. Do you hear me, Concert Board? We want bands that rock. Bands that bash on their drums, turns their amps all the way up and play fast-tempo music. We want bands that will make us jump up and down, not bands that will make us sway back and forth. Who listens to this jam band crap? I'll tell you who - dirty hippies. Why are we pandering to them? Assume, for a moment, that we don't get a jam band at the next Spring Fling. What will the hippies do? Revolt? No - they will just sit around and get high like always. I understand that it is important to have diverse genres of music at Spring Fling. But why always cater to the jam band people? What about pop, heavy metal, reggae, ska or country? I'm sure people at Tufts listen to those types of music as well. And who is the jam band this year? The Slip. The what? Yeah, you heard me - The Slip. But . . . but . . . Shut up. I said The Slip. Have you ever heard of them? I haven't. And I don't want to.
Tip #4: Go old school. I sympathize with the Tufts Concert Board. There is not a lot of money to spend on bands. The Concert Board wants to get bands that are famous and talented. But, because there is not enough of a budget, we wind up with bands like Guster that are kind of famous and kind of talented. So, my solution is to go for bands that are washed up. Have you bought the new Color Me Badd CD? Attended the latest Real McCoy concert? Of course not - those bands are over and done. That's why we can now get them on the cheap. Imagine this: We get some band that was famous in the early '90s but is now irrelevant - for instance, the Spin Doctors. I am sure we could get the Spin Doctors for the same price as Guster. Imagine the Spin Doctors on the President's Lawn playing "Two Princes." I would lose my mind. Or, if we can't get some has-been band, might I suggest cover bands. They are definitely cheap. And I would much rather hear a Bon Jovi cover band play "Livin' on a Prayer" than listen to The Slip play whatever it is they play.
I hope this helps, Concert Board. See you at the Fling.
