A day that will live in vaginfamy

Last week was all about the vagina. There was V-Day, the Vagina Monologues, and the distribution of sex toys. Partially because these events were funded by Tufts, partially because some people are uncomfortable with the material associated with these events, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding sex week. I would like to take this moment to say one thing regarding this issue:

Vagina.

That was awesome. I'm really just writing this column as an excuse to say the word vagina as many times as possible. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. I feel like a real sex columnist right now. Amber Madison, eat your heart out.

Before I continue in this vein, I'd like to mention one thing. Last week, in the Daily, there was a headline about V-Day. Next to the article was a picture of a girl handing out condoms. Did anyone else notice that she had a big white stain on her pants leg? That, my friends, is comedy.

Now back to talking about vaginas. My favorite thing about this whole scandal is all the words people are making up that incorporate the word vagina. Here are some I came up with: Vaginformation. Vaginaterian. Vaginefficiency.

Vag-on. Vag-off. The Vagina Clapper.

I guess I've exhausted the humor of saying vagina at this point. So it's time for me to get topical. This would probably be a good time to stop reading. But if you haven't had enough of my vaginantics then let's get down to the issues.

Some people are saying that all these vaginal activities are anti-feminist. All these girls talking about their vaginas, and what they do with their vaginas, and what other people do with their vaginas. It's all very titillating. Yes, I just used the word titillating in a column about sex fairs. I'm a child. Deal with it.

Those who think that these things are anti-feminist say that they promote sexual promiscuity. Why should girls talk about their vaginas the same way that guys talk about their penises? Us guys, we can't help it. We're disgusting creatures. There are things we do that you girls don't even know about. And trust me -- they are freaking gross.

That aside, I think that the people who are against all these vaginactivites have a good point. Feminism is supposed be about creating equality. The kind of equality that I've always assumed about feminism has to do with the workplace or a woman's role in the family -- things like that. I take feminism to represent the idea of women being treated as intellectual equals. Dads can stay home with the kids and moms can go run a Fortune 500 company. I support all that stuff. Personally, I would love to be a househusband. Taking the kids to school, doing dishes, watching Regis. That stuff I can do. It's the whole sitting at a desk and filling out paperwork thing that I have a problem with.

So, yes, I like traditional feminism. But this new feminism is trying to make women equal sexually. Essentially, it's saying that the double standard should be gotten rid of, that women should be able to sleep around for fun so long as they use protection. Is that really equality? Or is it sinking to our level? Is the vagina really like the penis? Is it a brainless, thoughtless sex radar, always seeking the new and more physically attractive? If you think it is, then the sex week is for you. If you think that men are thoughtless pigs and women are supposed to refine away their stupidity to make them prime for mushy-gushy love then all this vagina-related stuff may not be for you.

Regardless, I do believe in freedom of speech. And I think that everyone should be educated about sex crimes. I've seen the Vagina Monologues and they do a good job of integrating humor with serious issues. One particular speech in the play about a woman who was sexually abused is seriously powerful stuff. I see how that can be therapeutic for women who have experienced similar tragedy and, for those who thankfully haven't, it's important to get it out there so it can be avoided. In that respect, these issues do need to be in your face even if that means seeing some chalked vaginas on the roads of campus.

That's as serious as you can expect me to get in this column. So, in closing, I support sex week and what it stands for. But watch out, ladies. Don't accidentally mistake sexual empowerment with shallowness. Vagina.