It just doesn't make cents

So I'm going to a Celtics game on Friday. Think it'll be worth it?

Well let's look at it objectively. The Celtics, since Jim O'Brien was smart enough to jump ship 12 games ago, have won a whopping total of one game - a 30 point fluke lambasting of the 76ers. The 11 C's losses in this time span have included a hard fought 20 point loss to the 16-40 Chicago Bulls, an oh-so-close four point loss to those wily Atlanta Hawks, who have been making noise in the Central Division with their impressive 19-38 mark, and a pair of losses to the powerhouse L.A. Clippers, who are tearing up the west with a 24-31 record.

Danny "Change" has loaded up the Green with immensely diverse scoring threats, including Paul Pierce, Ricky Davis, and well, nobody else really. But he has gotten rid of the dead weight of old, like Antoine Walker (he never really did anything except score 20 points a game, grab eight rebounds or so, fire up the team when it needed to be fired up -- you know, the kind of stuff that really ruins a team's chemistry), Eric Williams (who also was just entirely expendable - who needs veteran leadership and hard work anyway? Look at the terrible things it's done in Cleveland this season), and Tony Battie (I mean, who needs a classy guy like Battie when you can get a stud like Chris Mihm instead?)

So I'm gonna spend $15-$20 to sit in the rafters of the Fleet Center, dish out another 10 bucks for a pretzel, and sell my car to buy a Sprite.

I'm getting screwed. They may as well be shoving that soda right up my... nevermind. This deal wouldn't be worth it if you threw in free courtside tickets, a limo to and from the game, and complementary massages by Sports Illustrated swimsuit models in between quarters.

This is just plain old depressing. I've watched one of the most fun teams in the league for the past two seasons turn into joke. And not even a funny joke like the Cavs used to be. This joke just hurts. A lot.

What happened to my Celtics? Why did Danny Ainge have to kill them? I just want them back. I was having so much fun for a couple of seasons there. I say we tie Danny Ainge to a raft, float him out into the middle of the ocean, and then just quietly have everybody from last season come back. We don't have to tell anybody. It will be fine. No one will notice. Who's with me?

I gave Danny the benefit of the doubt back when he traded Antoine. I figured the market was bad, Antoine's kind of a quirky player, not a lot of demand, we got the best deal we could (and who doesn't love Jiri Welsch?) But then he deals Williams and Battie for Ricky Davis. And even Jim O'Brien, who is a certified basketball wizard, thinks this deal is so bad that he has to quit. This should tell you something.

This year's team is an embarrassment to watch. It really tells you something about an NBA franchise when Walter McCarty is averaging 23.1 minutes a game. This is just sick. Stick Walter on any team in the west and how many minutes do you think he plays? One, maybe two a week? Hell, forget the west. Put Walter on the Saskatchewan junior all-star team and how many minutes do you think he plays?

I don't care what Tommy Heinsohn says, Walter sucks. I hate Walter. There I said it. I hate Walter. I used to love Walter, just like everybody else, back when he was that awkward-looking doofus who played like five minutes a game and somehow always managed to hit the ugliest looking three in the history of the world. And everyone loved it 'cause we could scream "Waltah!!" like the drunken idiots we were.

Problem is, nobody actually wanted Walter to get more than those five funny minutes a game. But then he starts whining and bitching about how he doesn't play enough (because Jim O'Brien actually had a brain that worked and realized that this man should not be seeing more than ten minutes in any game ever) and Danny Ainge decides it's probably a good idea to get rid of everybody on the team except Walter. Genius.

And how exactly is this building for the future? I thought the idea behind building a team was to dump salary and get good, young talent. Not pick up a whole bunch of dead weight that you pay half of your team's payroll to. Like Raef LaFrentz. That deal sure worked out well. Here's how it works: we pick up the remaining four years on LaFrentz' five year, 69 million dollar deal, and he starts one game. Beautiful.

And let's not even talk about Vin Baker. (Yes, it's true that I picked Vin Baker to make the all-star game at the beginning of the season. Yes, I am stupid, and no, I don't have any clue what I'm talking about.)

We do, of course, have the overwhelming force that is Mark Blount. If there ever was a guy who got into the NBA based on height alone, it was Manut Bol. But if there was another guy, it was Mark Blount. Seriously. Look at this guy. But of course, the Celtics are an equal opportunity employer, meaning you can get minutes even if you're terrible. So Mark Blount is currently averaging over 27 minutes a game. This isn't a joke.

So what can be done? Short of assassinating Danny Ainge, very little, except exactly what I'm doing here. Pissing and moaning. So this Bud's for you, Danny. Maybe if you're lucky, when the season's over you can deal Paul Pierce to the Pistons for Rasheed Wallace, you know, to build for the future. God, I love this game.