Finals are happening and they’re clearly horrible. While you struggle through those papers and those pesky in-class exams, think forward to the beauty that will be winter break. It’s super long though, so the Daily Arts department has come up with a list of things you need to hide from your parents. Good luck. The ‘rents know all. Fools.
10. Your excessive drinking: #college #shutupeveryoneisafunctioningalcoholichere
9. When you figured out how to charge JumboCash to your student bill: Sushi from Hodgdon forever. Thanks, Mom! I know you don’t really need your retirement money.
8. That orgy: It was so wrong … so right.
7. That time you smoked a cigarette to look cool after some Arts Haus party: You’re so deep now. Next time make sure you capture the moment with a disposable.
6. That time you stole a sweater from the bookstore: Just walk in, pull on a sweater, walk out. It’s that easy.
5. Stealing egg salad from Dewick in bulk: What do they even put in there? It’s highlighter yellow and totally delicious.
4. That time that you should have been TEMS’d: “I swear to Glob, IMmmmmmmmmmmmm TOTALLY soberaslkdfj tr!p[;prt.”
3. Failing literally all of your classes: Wanders in Space, Gospel Choir, Intro to Community Health, Gender & Sexuality, Peace and Justice. F,F,F,F,F.
2. That fist fight that happened at Helen’s: It was worth it for that corner of a lukewarm Bluezone.
1. This is my last top ten — suck it losers!