Top ten things you will try to conceal from your parents for the long, long, long, long, long break that is Winter Break

Finals are happening and they’re clearly horrible. While you struggle through those papers and those pesky in-class exams, think forward to the beauty that will be winter break. It’s super long though, so the Daily Arts department has come up with a list of things you need to hide from your parents. Good luck. The ‘rents know all. Fools.

10. Your excessive drinking: #college #shutupeveryoneisafunctioningalcoholichere

9. When you figured out how to charge JumboCash to your student bill: Sushi from Hodgdon forever. Thanks, Mom! I know you don’t really need your retirement money.

8. That orgy: It was so wrong … so right.

7. That time you smoked a cigarette to look cool after some Arts Haus party: You’re so deep now. Next time make sure you capture the moment with a disposable.

6. That time you stole a sweater from the bookstore: Just walk in, pull on a sweater, walk out. It’s that easy.

5. Stealing egg salad from Dewick in bulk: What do they even put in there? It’s highlighter yellow and totally delicious.

4. That time that you should have been TEMS’d: “I swear to Glob, IMmmmmmmmmmmmm TOTALLY soberaslkdfj tr!p[;prt.”

3. Failing literally all of your classes: Wanders in Space, Gospel Choir, Intro to Community Health, Gender & Sexuality, Peace and Justice. F,F,F,F,F.

2. That fist fight that happened at Helen’s: It was worth it for that corner of a lukewarm Bluezone.

1. This is my last top ten — suck it losers!