Top ten things that’ll get you before Ebola

Ebola can have devastating outcomes to those inflicted, and everyone seems to know something about it. We, at the Daily Arts department, are not disputing this fact. But guys, c’mon: the apocalypse courtesy of Ebola is a long way off. Don’t stock up on water bottles and baby Motrin just yet. Let’s talk about the real stuff — the pressing threats that influence us everyday.

10. Someone spoils the ending of “Gone Girl” (2014) for you: Of course you haven’t had a chance to see it yet — it’s midterm season fools! What’s that? Nick was dreaming the whole time? Dope.

9. You trip in front of a tour group: It happens to the worst of us. The only remedy is a weird grin and a little hop to let the parents know that you didn’t break a bone.

8. You lose your water bottle in a public place: There are far too many Nalgene predators at this university. Once you realize you’ve left it at Dewick or the Campus Center, you know it’s gone forever. Worst part? Someone definitely has it … probably someone you know … but they definitely put a big sticker of some ski lodge on it to throw you off track.

7. Someone realizing that you still listen to Chris Brown: It’s totally uncool and you’re ashamed. But dang — “With You” (2007) is the best love song ever written.

6. Falling over on the Joey: The drivers make such short stops and everyone is on top of everything. You’re essentially falling the entire time you’re on the bus.

5. You drunk text your mom: “ILVUE U SOOOOO0000 MCUH — PS PLZ SEN DUP SOME OPIZZA IN NEXT PACKARGE!!!”

4. Seeing Tony Monaco walking around alone: Am I supposed to kneel when he passes? Should I start singing the national anthem?! Just tell me what to do!

3. Music from your phone playing out loud on the first floor of Tisch: Everyone is going to hate you for like, five minutes. That’s a lot of disgruntled faces and you’ve made a mistake they won’t soon forget.

2. Global warming: Real talk. Everything’s melting all the time.

1. Ebola: Okay, we were wrong. Ebola is a horrifying thing and we should all be afraid. 


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