The tagline for "Wild Hogs," "A lot can happen on the road to nowhere," is appropriate for a predictable, stereotype-laden movie that ultimately doesn't go anywhere. Not only does the film, which is about a middle-aged motorcycle gang that sets out on a trip west, fail in every category, but the wasted talents of its four principle actors is a disgrace to their once-distinguished careers.
The movie makes its sad beginning in suburban America, where four middle-aged men are leading lives that are less than perfect. Woody (John Travolta) is a wealthy businessman who has just lost his model girlfriend and picture-perfect lifestyle due to his own selfishness. Tim Allen plays Doug, a prosaic dentist quickly losing the battle of connecting with his constantly-morphing teenage son. Bobby (Martin Lawrence) is an unemployed plumber who is dominated by his headstrong wife. Dudley (William H. Macy) is a computer geek who can't get a date and has a propensity for running into trees (really).
The four aging hipsters decide to leave their stagnant lives and regain their youth on the back of a bike, heading west on a week-long road trip and calling themselves the "Wild Hogs." Besides encountering a "real" motorcycle gang composed of meatheads and thugs who play pool all day along the way, the four encounter the run-of-the-mill flat tires, bad weather, etc. The film ends with a final battle between their "fake" gang and the real one they encounter. On the journey, they learn something about themselves and regain their youth so that they go back to their past lives with a new perspective. You get the picture.
On top of the film seeming like it could have been written in two hours by anyone who is literate, the set looks more fake than that of a 1950s romantic comedy. One scene that takes place in a rugged "creek" looks like it has been fashioned from tissue paper and glue. The bar and the town that are set up to house the final battle between the Wild Hogs and their rival gang are made for a back-lot movie studio. Someone from Disney probably should have traveled to New Mexico before designing these sets and realized that it doesn't look like Epcot.
The worst thing about the film is not just the flat story or the improbable sets; it is the fact that people like William H. Macy and John Travolta have left the glory of movies like "Fargo" (1996) and "Pulp Fiction" (1994) for the tawdry scenes of a Disney flick.
Most people love the magic of Disney animated films, or even the stereotypical sports movie like "Miracle" (2004) and "The Mighty Ducks" (1992). For Disney to think that it can take these movies, made with and for children, and gear them towards their parents is ludicrous. Any scene that might be funny to the 12-year-old is laced with middle-aged innuendos. Any scene that could appeal to this older crowd is dumbed down with slap-stick humor and age-old stereotypes. After accounting for these fatal errors, the film has little to offer any audience or viewer.
See this film only if you have an afternoon to kill and you want to laugh wholeheartedly at the utter hopelessness that arises from seeing John Travolta play a static playboy or the once great William H. Macy try to spoon with his companions. Stay away if you are either a film elitist or if there is anything else at all playing.
