In the intensely complicated world of sex, romance and relationships, it is sometimes tempting to want to simplify things. To end the pointless small talk, cut out the frustrating mind games, avoid the awkward confrontations and finally be truly honest.
How would you like to check a box declaring that yes, you have "a few extra pounds," but that, if people read on, your brilliant personality will become clear with such concise descriptions as "total slacker, white trash, jock," whose hobbies include "computers, video games and wine tasting," and who "currently lives in a van down by the river." Yes, this brilliant world of clarity and understanding can be yours, at collegepassions.com.
Although most Tufts students seem to prefer the more traditional means of pursuing relationships, such as coffee breaks, "study" groups, frat parties and even "floorcest," there does exist an entirely different medium: the cyber world of online dating.
Specifically created for college students, sites like the afore-mentioned collegepassions.com, as well as collegeluv.com, campusflirts.com and campusmatch.com, offer students the opportunity to post profiles and pictures and search those of their peers.
According to a study cited in the Boston Herald, 27 percent of singles aged 18 to 24 browsed online personals last year, and six percent subscribed to an online dating service. Such activity has provided stories of college love no other generation but ours could claim.
Phillip Cherry, a Tufts freshman, claims never to have used online dating services himself, but has had indirect experience in cyber-romance through his friend, who met his girlfriend online.
"[He met her online] last year when he was eighteen and a senior in high school; she was a freshman at Columbia," he said. "They started dating, and they were supposed to meet but for some reason she could never make it. We all assumed she was a middle-aged housewife, but he actually went to Columbia to be with her. It turned out she was real and apparently now they have sex all the time and are soul mates."
Other stories do not always end so well. However, many of the pitfalls are not specific to the relationship's online beginnings. Frequently, these relationships fail for the same reasons other relationships flounder, such as distance.
Megan Carter, a Tufts freshman, recounts the experience of a close friend's use of an online dating service. "She saw his profile and decided to send him a message, and then they started chatting every night for hours," Carter said. "When they finally decided to meet, we were all really suspicious and nervous, so we followed her to the mall to make sure he didn't try to kidnap her or anything. Well, it turned out that they really did like each other and everything, but she went to UC Santa Barbara and he went to UC Riverside, and they eventually decided the distance was too far to maintain a real
relationship."
Tufts graduate Ian Klein has made a name for himself in the online dating community by starting overweightdate.com, a site for singles, though not necessarily large ones. As the site's motto declares, "for large lovers and the men and women who admire them."
Thousands have logged onto Klein's site, which he started as a way to differentiate himself from the other online dating services. The idea came from his sister, who was both overweight and single at the time of her suggestion.
Tom Jaffee, another Tufts alum, started 8minutedating.com, a speed-dating service referenced on "Sex and the City." The service allows its 60,000 members to have eight mini-dates in succession to see if there is chemistry. If so, the person can fill out a card detailing who they would like to see again, and a computer matching program enables these relationships.
"I was looking for a new challenge and wanted something to wrap my brain around," Jaffee told the Worcester Telegram and Gazette. "I knew it was a great idea, something whose time had come."
Many students cite safety concerns as a primary reason to avoid online dating. "My mom tried it for awhile," Tufts freshman Maggie Brunner said. "It turned out to be a train wreck. The first guy she met was a creep who was opening a strip club in downtown Baltimore."
"She never even told her parents he existed because she didn't want them to worry about her," Carter said of her good friend. "It was rough when they broke up - she was upset and her parents didn't even know."
In order to alleviate such fears and prevent them from becoming reality, online dating services usually provide their patrons with cautionary instructions. For example, collegedate.com warns students to make sure to use a pay phone, not their personal number, the first time an online pair talks on the phone.
In addition, they instruct not to post such important information as personal addresses and phone numbers, and to use several e-mail accounts. In addition, they advise that, "If someone annoys you, just ignore them and they will probably stop bothering you if you don't reply."
