How republicans feel

Apparently, according to most of the Tufts student body, I am stupid. I am one of the 59,268,900 stupid Americans who voted for George W. Bush. Even worse, I am one of the 2,796,147 stupid Ohioans who voted for Bush. I am the person who sophomore Allie Bohm is thinking of when she says, “I can’t fathom how an intelligent person can think this is good for their country.”

I’m stupid for believing that the only truly fair trade is free trade. I’m stupid for not thinking that we should have extreme protectionist trade policies like we had in the late 1920s and early 1930s. I think that worked out well for us. Instead, it would make much more sense for us to artificially keep some of our businesses competitive when the goods could be produced much more economically in another country.

I’m stupid for attributing the recent loss of jobs to the evolving world economy and a president that inherited a recession instead of placing blame squarely on W’s shoulders. I’m stupid for believing in the business cycle.

I’m stupid for thinking that what I earn is my money and not the government’s. I’m stupid for thinking that government isn’t the solution; that government is the problem.

I’m stupid for not thinking that the draft is going to be reinstituted, despite the fact that the U.S. House of Representatives voted on that very issue this year and only two congressmen voted for it. Both of those draft-supporting congressmen were Democrats.

I’m stupid for not believing that “No Child Left Behind” is under-funded despite test scores being up throughout the country. I’m stupid for not thinking that throwing more money at a problem will always solve it.

I’m stupid for feeling good about liberating an oppressed people from a ruthless dictator. I’m stupid for being proud that during the first Bush term, the world welcomed the addition of two new democracies.

I’m stupid for thinking that America should be able to take a proactive position in defending itself from another terrorist attack. I’m stupid for thinking the French wouldn’t trade Paris in order to save New York. I’m stupid for putting the protection of America ahead of forming a close friendship with Chirac.

I’m stupid for voting for a former alcoholic. Apparently, I forgot that the Democrats have a monopoly on second chances and that all Republicans are heartless.

I’m stupid for believing in the entire Bill of Rights. Including the Second Amendment.

Worst of all, I’m stupid for basing some of my vote on morality. I’m stupid for thinking that two men shouldn’t be able to marry each other, despite their obvious anatomical similarities.

I am even more stupid for mistaking those 10 fingers and those 10 toes and that reoccurring heartbeat coming from that “thing” inside a pregnant woman’s womb as a human life. I’m also stupid for finding it hypocritical that someone charged with murdering a pregnant woman can be charged with two homicides even though there was only “one” life taken.

I’m stupid for believing that a man can have conviction and that conviction can be a good thing.

I’m stupid for laughing at Dan Rather as he stubbornly refused to call Ohio for Bush. I’m stupid for enjoying the look on Chris Matthews’ face as he realized what was happening as the night grew later.

If I weren’t so stupid, I’d want to move to Canada so I could enjoy their low taxes and robust universal healthcare system. Perhaps I can still hope that the Democrats will create a government program that will help make me not so stupid.

Stupidest of all is my real reason for voting for Bush: he was the only candidate stupider than I am.

Michael Schrimpf is a senior majoring in political science.