Everything in moderation

I remember pre-gaming one night freshman year: dancing around the room to Blondie's "Touch Myself", drinking week-old box wine out of cups stolen from Hodgdon. "I love you guys," I professed in an impromptu toast, "cause y'all will last four years...and guys...you'll be lucky if they last four minutes." Our M.O. for that part of the year was "screw men, we have each other." But then some of us met people, we lost our "boys suck" solidarity, and there was an unspoken fissure between them and us.



Getting into a relationship in college can feel like being seduced by the dark side. We fear that deciding to having a significant other and having a friend-filled social life are mutually exclusive. We fear that we must decide if we want the mascot of our college years to be a condom or a kegorator. But relationships don't have to be so "all or nothing," and having a girlfriend of boyfriend doesn't mean that we have to let ourselves be isolated from all our single friends.

Most relationship problems are a result of allowing ourselves to be completely consumed by another person. When we find someone we're really into, it can be hard to keep sight of who we are, and what else in the world is important. It's so tempting to go with the immediate gratification of spending all of out time with them, and to neglect to stop and consider the long-term consequences. Total immersion leads to total isolation.

As enticing as it can be to live in your private bubble of "Pookie and Me", it is always important to keep some perspective. Realistically, most college relationships end; pet name "Pookie" is soon replaced with pet name "prick". And when relationships go sour, it's our friends who are there to be the emotional janitors. Our friends are the ones who drive three hours and meet us at our house with a case and a blow up doll ... but only if we had continued to acknowledge their importance while otherwise occupied with Mr. or Mrs. Right then.

Especially if we are wrapped up in a relationship, we can forget that our friends need us too. That being close to someone, even in a platonic way, puts us in the position to be able to hurt them. The difference is that while someone we are involved with romantically may be very verbal when we hurt them, often friends don't speak up, because they feel like "technically" they shouldn't be upset, and they don't want to undermine our happiness.

The number one healthiest thing you can do while in a relationship is to always take time out to spend with your friends. And just as there were things to talk about before Pookie, there are other things to talk about during, and after. Your friends want to know the "Cliff Notes" version of what is happening in your relationship; they don't want the drawn out novel. They really don't care if his or her father wore a gray shirt which is so funny cause it's a big family joke that Ross hates gray but it's Sally's favorite color, but they haven't talked for three months because blah blah blah....

As enthusiastic as you may be about your partner, it's important to remain people- friendly. This means not rehashing the details of the great sex you're having to those friends of yours that aren't getting any. It means don't dry hump in the campus center -- wait to get it on in the privacy of your own home. And don't designate every hour you're together as a new reason to celebrate an anniversary. Love your partner, but don't make the rest of the world observe your bizarre love rituals.

The majority of the time, getting into a relationship with someone you care about is worth it. You are able to learn things about yourself both good and bad that never would have surfaced otherwise. Having a relationship doesn't have to mean choosing between your friends and your hook-up. You are always the one in control of how you spend your time. Everything in moderation, and it's very possible to split your college years between booze and babes 50-50.