Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - Tufts Style

The letter

Boy do I have a nominee for you,

My neighbor, Josh Kupershmidt, is a lovable guy that needs a divine intervention from the fashion gods to save him. Josh, hailing from Nashville, TN, is an engineer major whose interests include computer programming, 2pac, crew, and dancing. And I mean dancing in the lightest sense of the word, since he often resorts to doing his own mixture of c-walk/running man. Josh's fashion sense is notorious among his peers, and he is known for wearing his duck-shoes, old jeans, computer company or Sponge Bob shirt tucked in (without a belt), and a one-size fits all beer hat. While he may be found sporting a collared shirt from time and again, it is usually a promotional one from Gatorade or obscure internet corporations. This proud Tennessean looks like a color-blind mother dressed him with leftovers from a Microsoft Convention. Daily, please turn this kind but sloppy soul into a fashion aficionado.

Sincerely,

Michael Ghory



In an effort to makeover Tufts "one straight guy at a time," senior Tyler Duckworth agreed to work with the Daily to perform a much needed makeover on freshman Josh Kupershmidt. The popular Duckworth is known around campus for his numerous activities -- they range from swimming, to SOC choreography to reigning homecoming queen. With a few tips, some gel, and a little dancing, Duckworth turned Kupershmidt from a socks and Birkenstocks computer nerd to a confident button-down-shirt-wearing ladies man.



FASHION

When the Daily arrived at Kupershmidt's room the victim was dressed like an eighth grade chess player. Duckworth took immediate action by opening Kupershmidt's first drawer. With a slight chuckle, Duckworth picked up a pair of pastel green boxers. "These have got to go," he said. Although a fan of boxer briefs himself, Duckworth told Kupershmidt that if he still wanted to wear boxers he should stay away from solid colors and veer towards plaids -- and no cartoon designs whatsoever.

Kupershmidt: What about my Star Wars Boxers?

Duckworth: The Star Wars have got to go!

In Kupershmidt's second drawer, Duckworth encountered a multitude of shirts. The first was one of Kupershmidt's favorites -- an olive green T-shirt with a picture of Sponge Bob Square Pants on its front. "This could be actually cool," Duckworth told Kupershmidt. "Put a long sleeve white waffle shirt under it. You look angsty and hip. You're going to be My-So Called Life," Duckworth said, referring to Jared Leto's character in the '90s hit. series.

Deep down in Kupershmidt's shirt drawer, Duckworth unearthed more stylish items such as a gray William & Mary T-shirt. "Hey, you should wear this, "he said."It says I'm in college; I'm cool."

Besides these few gems, however, Kupershmidt's collection mostly consisted of shirts that he got free of charge. "Anything you can obviously tell you got from a marketing campaign, don't wear - unless you're going to the gym," Duckworth said. "And Rule number one about polos: collar up. It makes you think cool and confident."

The few polo shirts free from advertisements that Kupershmidt did have were crumpled into his drawers. "Clothes are like people -- they have feelings too," Duckworth told Kupershmidt. "Don't abuse them."

Duckworth: You should iron the collars of your polos.

Kupershmidt: I don't have an iron.

Duckworth: What a surprise.

Things worsened as Duckworth opened Kupershmidt's third drawer. There he unhappily found a pair of navy shorts. "Faded pleated shorts are like the anti-Christ of fashion," Duckworth said. Also in the navy family was a pullover that Kupershmidt promised he had only worn once. "Did grandma give this to you?" Duckworth asked. "This is like out of 'Mona Lisa Smile.'"

As for jeans, Kupershmidt had three pairs -- all the same color. "You need some different color jeans," Duckworth said. "Experiment with colors." Even worse than having no color variation, Kupershmidt's jeans were all tapered. "When you buy jeans you are not allowed to have them tapered," Duckworth insisted.

Shoes were one category where Duckworth was pleasantly surprised. Kupershmidt had a hip pair of black shoes with brown leather detailing. Duckworth liked the fact that the shoes had both black and brown since it would be easier for Kupershmidt to match with belts. "Leathers always have to match," Duckworth said.

For some final advice on fashion, Duckworth recommended that Kupershmidt invest in three staple items: new non-tapered pants, belts -- one black and one brown, and V-neck sweaters. According to Duckworth, the best places to find these clothes, or any clothing for that matter, is at Goodwill or on the sale racks of the Banana Republic and J. Crew.



GROOMING

Although Kupershmidt was clean, especially for being a college male, he still needed some help in the grooming department. "Who cut your hair?" Duckworth asked Kupershmidt. "Was it a joke?"

Duckworth told Kupershmidt that he was jealous of his hair color. "You have great black hair," Duckworth said. "Notice who some of the biggest stars are these days? Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire. And you have really pretty eyes. They're kinda blueish-greenish so you need to bring them out. So draw attention away from the hair on your forehead and back to your eyes."

To accomplish this task, Duckworth first styled his own hair so Kupershmidt could watch and imitate his techniques. He taught Kupershmidt how to work gel through hair -- starting in the back and working his way up. "Bring it to life, make it kinda shaggy," Duckworth said. "What you don't want to do is have it in one area and one motion. You want it crazy all around. Girls love messy."

Duckworth also tried to push Kupershmidt's hair toward the middle of his head creating a mohawk effect. "It's this new thing having your hair spike up in the middle kinda crazy," Duckworth said. "The faux-hawk is big right now."

Kupershmidt: I look retarded

Duckworth: I think it's cute.

Although it looked very stylish, the "faux-hawk" was not Kupershmidt's forte. But the messy look worked and Kupershmidt's eyes stood out, just like Duckworth predicted. To maintain the messy look in the future, Duckworth recommended that Kupershmidt shy away from washing his hair every day. "You need natural greases in your hair," he said.

Duckworth also helped Kupershmidt with the hair on his face. "There's nothing worse than random facial hair," Duckworth said. He insisted that even if Kupershmidt has to shave every day it's worth it. Kupershmidt, however, waited until after Duckworth and the Daily left to begin shaving since he needed to shower first. Duckworth suggested waiting to shave until right after a shower since it lets the pores open, allowing for a smoother shave.



CULTURE

With style underway, it was time to work on culturing Kupershmidt. This involved brushing up on the social skills of dancing, interacting with other students outside of academic boundaries, and entertaining guests. Duckworth turned on Usher's "Yeah!" and the culture lesson began.

According to Duckworth, a person's entrance to a party makes a lasting impression. He had Kupershmidt exit and re-enter the room until his awkward saunter turned into an easy-going stroll.

Next came dancing. "Most all guys -- and girls -- look awkward on the dance floor," Duckworth encouragingly told Kupershmidt. He then started going over dance moves with him such as the simple "Step-Touch."

Aware that with dancing, practice makes perfection, Duckworth suggested that Kupershmidt dance in his room by himself when his roommate was gone. "Once you learn how to dance, girls will be all over you," Duckworth said.

As for dancing with a girl, Duckworth warned, "do not hump her like you're a dog." He added that girls like it when a guy is a little goofy. "Don't take yourself too seriously on the dance floor and if you don't like dancing, be confident. Look around like you know people."

Conversing at parties can be difficult, especially as a freshman. Duckworth proposed using a can of beer, or other drink of choice, as an accessory at parties. "You can always take a sip if you don't have anything to say," Duckworth said. Sometimes, having nothing to say means the conversation should stop. "You never want to engage in too long a conversation," Duckworth advised.

Duckworth believes that mingling is key. "The worst thing is guys with their friends pointing out hot girls. It's not a big penis party," Duckworth said. Since approaching girls at parties can be intimidating, Duckworth told Kupershmidt to "try and confront girls that are realistic. Know who's in your range."



INTERIOR DESIGN

Although commendably neat and organized, Kupershmidt's side of his room was horribly bare. Even though the Daily couldn't fund a dorm room makeover, Duckworth provided tips to avoid any future decoration disasters.

Almost tripping over an empty box, Duckworth recommended that in cramped quarters, Kupershmidt should utilize space to the fullest. He told him to lift his bed to hide suitcases and empty boxes, allowing additional room for chairs and couches.

He then told Kupershmidt more was needed to hide the white cement walls. "Throw people a bone when they walk in the room," Duckworth said. "Give them a conversation piece." Since Kupershmidt's favorite movie is "The Shawshank Redemption," Duckworth told him to "get a huge poster [of the movie]. It makes people think you're interested in film. Then you can start talking with people about the movie, which is an easy conversation starter."

When selecting decoration pieces, Duckworth advised to "force people's attention to something you want them to know about you." Duckworth glanced at Kupershmidt's roommate's flag and said, "I knew right away that [your roommate is] Turkish. It's important to draw the attention to your side." He added that if you're not of foreign descent, pictures are an easy way to let people know about your personality.

Duckworth told Kupershmidt that his poster collection was a good start. The beer ad and the teamwork poster Kupershmidt had on his wall showed that he was a normal college student while the Tupac poster displayed his interest in music. However, his the anime poster was all wrong. "This poster says, 'instead of masturbating to real women, I masturbate to Japanese cartoons,'" Duckworth said. "Take down Sanrio and put up Pam Anderson."

Duckworth told Kupershmidt that he could still have cartoons, just not anime. "If you're into Sponge Bob, that's cool," he said. "Just don't wear it around all the time. If you have a poster you'll show girls you're sweet and sensitive."





As the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" makeover came to a close, Duckworth parted with encouraging words for Kupershmidt, stressing the freshman's potential. Kupershmidt thanked him and later expressed his gratitude to the Daily and Duckworth via e-mail. "I am really in your and Tyler's debt for the makeover," Kupershmidt wrote. "I had no idea what a terrible sense of fashion I have. It really helped to get a frank appraisal of all the things I need to change. I'll try to make major improvements to my scant wardrobe and spruce up my room when I have time."

Ladies, get ready! There's a new man on campus: Josh Kupershmidt. Here's to a successful makeover. As they say on Bravo, "Cheers Queers!"