Keeping the Faith

When sophomores Sarah Feldberg and Steve Hoghe met, they seemed like an unlikely couple: she was a liberal Jewish girl from nearby Newton and he was a conservative Catholic boy from Albany, New York. After 13 months of dating, however, they are still going strong, and their religious differences have rarely been a problem.

"[Religion] is not an everyday presence in our lives," Feldberg said. "So it's been fine. But my parents think it's funny that I found one of the only Republican Catholics at Tufts."

For many students, however, interfaith dating -- much less marriage -- is just not an option. While some come from households where being involved with someone of a different faith is considered unacceptable, others simply identify on a deeper level with someone of their own faith.

"Religion is my backbone, and I want whomever I marry and my kids to share that with me. If you share a religion, you share ideals and you share that faith," one female sophomore, who is a conservative Hindu, said. She, however, wished to remain anonymous, for fear that her boyfriend, who does not share her religion, would be offended by her comments.

While many students are willing to date people of other religions, once marriage comes into the picture as relationships become serious in college the religion of a significant other becomes more of an issue.

"The issue is not interfaith dating," says University Jewish Chaplain Rabbi Jeffrey Summit. "The issue is when [people] marry and build a family together, they need to think through very carefully what kinds of traditions they want to bring into that family and pass on to their children."

Hoghe agreed. "I have no objections to incorporating other religions [into my life], but I'm pretty insistent that Catholicism plays a role in my kids' lives."

Other students feel that that the faith of the person they are dating does not affect their own faith. "I've dated people who aren't Christian, it doesn't matter to me because [no matter what], my own faith isn't going to waiver," sophomore Sheena Harris said.

For some, however, religion goes beyond the god they worship. Religion is a way of life that effects holidays, dietary restrictions, and when, where, and how one prays. "Ideally I want to marry a Hindu," sophomore Reena Desai said. "But [it is not just a matter of religion], it is also due to culture being intertwined with it."

"Hinduism is very cultural; it's a way of living," Desai said.

Junior and Hillel Shabbat Chair Alexis Gerber has a similar view regarding her own religion. "I don't date people who aren't Jewish, out of respect for them," she said. "That's something that is difficult to explain to people but my own religious tradition is very important to me and my getting involved with someone else who didn't share it would necessitate that they'd have to compromise their own religious beliefs."

A student's decision to date only within his or her religion is becoming increasingly difficult, however, as religious diversity continues to grow in the United States.

According to the City University of New York's "American Religious Identification Survey," the number of Muslims increased 109 percent from 1990 to 2001. Similarly, the number of Hindus has increased by 237 percent.

The number of Christians, including Protestants and Catholics, however, has only increased by five percent during that same time frame.

But while Islam, Hinduism, and Christianity have grown in numbers over the past decade, the number of Jews in the United States has decreased by 13 percent. Many attribute this to the high rate of interfaith marriage for Jews.

"I would say that for many Jews, who are committed to the continuation of the Jewish people, they understand that the family is the primary location to carry on traditions from one generation to the next," Summit said. "Many Jewish parents feel very strongly that they want their children to have Jewish families and the best chance is when both partners are Jewish," Rabbi Summit said.

"My last boyfriend was agnostic, and I dated a Mormon once. My dad was [really angry]," Harris said. "But he ultimately realized that if the guy is good at heart, and if his beliefs don't shake mine, then it's okay."

Harris admits that the situation might be different when it comes to marriage. "If I were to be in a relationship where my parents could see me possibly getting married to the guy, I'm sure they'd be very concerned if he weren't Christian," Harris said.

University Chaplain David O'Leary said that interfaith relationships don't have to end in disaster. "If both religions can be respected, and the couple is willing to compromise, interfaith relationships often work out," he said. "We've seen many successful interfaith unions occur in this very chapel".