The Olsen twins myth

I have two good male friends who recommended that I write a viewpoint. Both my friends are boys, and both are seniors. A 20 year-old engineer and a 21 year-old liberal arts student with limited social skills and raging hormones comparable to those of any pubescent fifteen year old boy with an incessant boner -- pretty much your prototypical Tufts males. And they are both very nice boys. Nice boys that they are, they are always quick to offer suggestions as to what exactly I should have a point of view about.

They mention frats and class selection, dorm life, abroad concerns and that inevitable what to do after college question. And they mention the Olsen twins. The latter being the only theme they bring up each and every time the viewpoint subject is discussed. Now, I was a Full House fan, just like everyone else in the early nineties. My little sister, having been born the same year as these cherubically ubiquitous wonders, had all the tapes, and I am pretty sure a lunch box even came into play at some point during her elementary school years. But honestly, the Olsen twins? I mean there are children starving in Africa, and DTD may or may not be on probation for something or another.

Okay, so, I am female, and heterosexual, which may explain some of my confusion. But, still. I get Pamela Anderson. I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to say Britney's hot, and if I was drunk enough, and a boy was at least somewhat involved, I probably would not kick Cameron Diaz out of bed. But the Olsen twins are these pre pubescent little girls who we used to watch have their diapers changed. They are like Americas baby sister. And now, not only are they the doable little sisters, they are every boys fantasy, with a capital F?

Luckily, I have acquired a theory concerning this wonder of wonders, a viewpoint if you will. It is about control. And I do not mean it in the scary rape fantasy kind of way. Tufts boys are not that sexually adventurous. But, intellectually, social domination. The Olsen twins make these slightly awkward, incredibly horny, boys feel not only smart and mature, but well, cool.

There is none of that pesky give and take; they will be off to college soon so the whole question of commitment never comes into play. They worship you simply for being older and that is easy enough, since well, you are. What could possibly be sexier than the hot little sister who demands nothing of your socially retarded brain but to smile and fumble around in the manner that most girls your own age find comical and somewhat contemptible? It is perfection, carnal bliss, not to mention sheer strength in numbers, as if the whole she does not mind how long it takes or how little foreplay is involved isn't enticing enough, there are two of them. And certainly, where sex and the college boy are concerned, quantity almost always beats out quality.

So, my most beloved male friends, I present to you a point of view. What you have not found trolling the frats the past three years may in fact have been right under your nose all along. At your local high school. They are hot because they are younger, because they are perhaps not quite as quick on the trigger, because they demand almost nothing of you and are just happy that you have your driver's license and/or a fake id. And maybe just maybe, if you are very lucky, they are hot because they do not mind sharing you with their sister or best friend.

So my advice to you is this. Forget the frats, even house parties and bars do not have what you are looking for. Instead, start an after school program, or join one. Tutor, build bridges with the community, beef up that resume that is looking weaker and weaker as the real world beckons, and at the same time fulfill the ultimate college boy fantasy; the Olsen twins, or at least their age equivalent. And to you seniors out there, be quick about it. As a former high school girl who briefly dated a college boy, I can tell you, it is way cooler to brag to your friends that your boyfriend is a college boy than to say that you are dating a mid level worker at the local engineering firm.

Lynn Steger is a junior majoring in International Relations