Transporter is all action, no brains

The Transporter is the sort of movie that you shouldn't ask 'why.' Doing such is to miss the point, or lack thereof.

The film is a pure action movie, in the tradition of Die Hard or Predator, although not as clever as either of those predecessors. The formula is simple: establish the setting, establish the characters, establish what exactly the good guy can do when his neck is on the line and then rev up that baby and see how far it will take you. If you have a charismatic lead, this helps. How I miss the competent, personality-driven, well done action movies. We haven't had many until lately.

This spring gave us the Rock-led Scorpion King, which was not exactly brilliant but was very entertaining. Then there was XXX, a movie that made Scorpion King look like a model of restraint. And now, we have The Transporter. While no Die Hard, it is the best of the recent thrill rides, and if you are a fan of this type of movie, you it will fulfill your badass quota. Yes, there is such a thing.

Jason Stratham, best known for his roles in Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, has come into his own as an action star. He doesn't say much in this new movie, and frankly, he doesn't have to. He plays Frank Martin, an ex-soldier who now likes to keep things 'simple' and makes a living by Transporting any package or persons anywhere. He doesn't ask questions, he doesn't ask names. Naturally, during the course of the movie, he will ask questions, and learn names. Then he has to beat the living crap out of everyone, and the movie will be over. That's pretty much it.

However, it's again, it's not the 'why' or even the 'what'. It's the 'how.' How does The Transporter beat the snot of everyone who crosses his path? He does it very cleverly. After the bad guys blow up his Bond-esque car, he uses simple methods: like fighting with his bare hands against duel ax-wielding martial arts masters. Or having a knock-down, drag out fight inside a city bus. Or parachuting onto a moving truck, and kicking in the windows as its moving.

All this, and the man has time to play a mental chess game with Inspector Tarconi (Francois Berleand,) who knows what Martin does for a living but can't prove it. It's actually a nice touch that in the middle of all the bone-crunching, they left some room for well acted scenes.

The film has one problem. Her name is Lai (Qi Shu), the woman that Martin is asked to Transport and causes all the questions, and she is an attractive woman. She also appears to be a fairly incompetent actress.

Maybe it was because she hadn't mastered English that well, or maybe it's because her character is poorly written or maybe she's just awful. Who knows. But she stopped the movie dead in its tracks most times she appears, although the entire audience did burst out laughing when she said, "He was a bastard. But he was still my father." I'm not saying Al Pacino could have made that line work, but lord, she wasn't good.

On a side note, I like that The Transporter has perfectly normal, respectable bad guys with a realistic, awful plan. Their crime: transporting Chinese immigrants in trucks and turning them into labor slaves. That's an evil plan that needs stopped, yes, but for once it's actually possible. None of this XXX 'Anarchy 99' crap, none of the hamminess of Scorpion King, none of the "I vil rule the world!' nonsense of every secret agent movie ever. Okay, I take that back, Matt Schulze (who also played a complete tool in Fast and the Furious) was pretty hammy as the main villain, whose name is listed in the credits only as "Wall Street." Fortunately, after some awkwardly awful opening scenes, Wall Street quiets down and simply plays out his role as a bad guy. But at least he didn't name his group 'Anarchy 99,' which will stand the test of time as the goofiest name for an evil organization ever.

Anyway. Transporter proves that Jason Staham can be in action movies whenever he wants: he has the presence, the personality and the look to pull it off. Many of the action scenes are done in such a way that, yes, it is him doing most of the stunts and fight-work. Even the most jaded audience member should appreciate how well done and timed the fight sequences are, how ingeniously they are choreographed and paced.

True, they are done only in the name of doing them, but again you'd be asking 'why.' I don't ask for action movies, like dumb comedies, to have a point. I only ask they be done well. Such is The Transporter, a movie that was probably not necessary, but I left with a goofy smile on my face anyway.