No One Lives Forever: Obvious statement and bad game

No One Lives Forever (from here out, simply No One Lives Forever) originally appeared on the PC in the fall of 2000. Gamespot.com and IGN.com, two videogame websites, gave the PC version of No One Lives Forever an overall score of 9.3 and 9.1 out of ten, respectively. The same sites gave the PS2 version of No One Lives Forever an overall score of 4.6 and 6.9 out of 10.

What the hell happened? Did it simply age badly, or did something go horribly wrong on its journey to the PS2?

Since I never had the chance to play the PC version, I can't comment on how it stacked up but I can certainly comment on the horrendous port of a game that appears on the PS2. And Gamespot and IGN were pretty much right on; the game just isn't fun, period.



Gameplay:

No One Lives Forever is no more than a very, very mediocre first-person shooter. There are power-ups, lots of bad guys to shoot who all look the same, linear gameplay in a deceiving 3D setting, a stash of the standard weapons, silly gadgets, etc. You know the drill. But it's nothing special.

And honestly, in the gameplay department I have a hard time putting my finger on what exactly distinguishes the mediocre first-person shooters from the good first-person shooters. I mean, they're all essentially built on the same gameplay framework _ yet some are really special while others sink to the bottom under their own weight.

To the best that I can determine, subtleties in design make all the difference. Red Faction, for instance, was an incredible first-person shooter that debuted on the PS2 in summer 2001. It was blessed with enough personality and character for three games with a backdrop set deep underground in a Martian mineshaft.

No One Lives Forever is a quasi-James Bond parody set in random Middle Eastern cities that feels like a mediocre attempt at poking fun _ loosely _ at the James Bond series. Which sounds more appealing to you?

What it comes down to is that the game just isn't any fun to play. It feels uninspired and lacks that something special. It bleeds mediocrity.

Grade: D



Graphics:

The PS2 has been on store shelves in the US for nearly two years now; we're well into its second generation of games, sitting smack in the prime of the PS2's videogaming life. Games should finally be taking full advantage of the power the system has to offer, cranking out beautiful graphics (like those in Metal Gear Solid 2, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Madden 2003, etc.). Yet No One Lives Forever simply looks awful.

Granted, on the PSone it would look above average but here _ uh _ it ain't gonna cut it. Packed with murky, low-resolution textures, poorly animated cut-scenes, and clunky enemies, No One Lives Forever certainly won't win any awards for aesthetics.

I must make one concession, however, regarding the menu screen for the game. It's easy to navigate, quirky, straight out of the '60s (it reminds me strongly of the Austin Powers movies) and sharp. But it's all down hill from there.

Grade: C-



Sound:

The game has one shining (and believe me, amidst the rest of this crap that's called a game, it's brilliant) feature: the music and voiceovers. Much like most truly poor games I find, it seems that developers always manage to squeeze a little something out of the sound department. Perhaps that's simply a testament to the ease of developing cool soundtracks for video games _ beats me. But it just works that way.

But hey, by all means, if you're simply an audiophile and enjoy playing games with solid soundtracks and voiceovers without regard to downright awful graphics, lame gameplay, and simply terrible execution than perhaps you'd still be interested in picking up No One Lives Forever. But seriously, is anything that I write about the sound quality going to make anyone buy this piece of mediocre plastic? Next category.

Grade: B+



Replay Value:

The game was such little fun to play that I was only able to stand the few hours and handful of levels necessary to write this review. Picking the controller up once will be enough to make you want to break your controller in half and never play your PS2 again. So needless to say, the replay value is non-existent. There's not even a multiplayer feature. A Bond rip-off without multiplayer? Bah! Do yourself a favor and wait until Timesplitters 2 or Red Faction 2 hit store shelves this fall if you're looking for a good first-person shooter for your PS2.

Grade: D



I'm giving No One Lives Forever a slightly better score than last year's Herdy Gerdy (by far the worst game that I've had the misfortune of reviewing for the PS2) simply because, well, it actually functions; you can play it from beginning to end. But playing the game just long enough to write a fair review felt like a chore. If that's a statement that makes you want to buy a game, then go for it. Otherwise, steer clear of this one.

Overall: