Tuff Talks: New and old relationships

Dear J: I recently got into a new relationship with a boy at Tufts. I really like him and it’s going well but we only have a couple more weeks together until we go back home for the summer (we live far away from each other). I think the long distance is going to be too hard on us since our relationship is still young. How should we handle it?

J: First of all, congrats! Unless one of you is able to spare time and money to visit the other during the summer, you can’t change the fact that you will be apart for three months. But you can change your perspective on it. This can be a new stage in your relationship that will help you come back stronger when fall comes around. Dedicate time to talk to each other over FaceTime or the phone.

Long-distance relationships over the summer are the reality for many college couples, so I don’t think it’s necessarily too early in the relationship to try it. You can both get to see parts of each other’s hometowns and families. You can pick up new hobbies together, watch a show over Teleparty to have things to talk about and you can have phone sex if you’re into that. 

Dear J: Should I get back together with my ex? We had a pretty tough breakup a while ago but recently bumped into each other on campus and started talking again. 

J: I don’t know how your relationship with this person was or what happened during the breakup, but I would say that when it comes to exes, you always have to think twice. I think the amount of time that has passed since your breakup is important. Did it happen two months ago or two years ago? If the breakup was in the past year, it’s probably too early for all of those wounds to have healed. Something else to consider is what you have learned about yourself since the breakup, and what they have learned about themselves.

If you come back together as the same people that you were in the previous relationship, nothing will change and you will likely find yourselves dealing with the same issues as before. I think rekindling a love that was lost because of timing, immaturity or miscommunication can be a beautiful thing as long as you can really start fresh and let go of the past. While you should treat it as a new relationship, you should sit down with your ex to make sure this is something they want as well and talk about how you can really be better this time around if getting back together is something you are seriously considering. Good luck!


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