Gentle Reader,
We are at a turning point in the academic year. Today we are experiencing weather above 60 degrees for the first time since fall, and spring is officially 10 days away. If you’re starting to feel a looming sense of the passage of time, you are not alone. Perhaps I am projecting my own reality. As someone 10 weeks away from graduation, I’m choosing to distract myself from that fact by immersing myself in the complex and fascinating details of your love lives.
The question remains: As we approach the latter, warmer half of our semester, should our approach to romance change?
Today we have two special, specific and spirited responses that I’ve received in the past couple of weeks. Let’s begin with Yearner 1, who is facing a quandary I doubt is unique to just them.
YEARNER #1: “How do you navigate reconciling with an ex? What are the questions I should be asking myself if I am considering making the effort to try and get back together? Stuck between figuring out what aspects would be disrespecting myself and trying to forgive/accept.”
You are asking all the right questions, Yearner 1. I respect the thoughtfulness with which you approach a matter others address with late-night impetuous text messages. I mean no judgment on either front.
I think your plan for reconciliation comes down to how this ex became an ex. Take some time to reflect on what went wrong during round one.
If you’re working through previous hurt from this person, I would make sure it’s clear that both of you have taken the time to heal and grow. And if you do decide to reconcile, take it nice and slow. Use the time you have to make round two even better. Thanks for your openness, Yearner 1. And as always, don’t be afraid to write again soon.
It isn’t just the singles facing plight this week. From an ex dilemma, to a sex dilemma, Yearner 2 has given us a candid depiction of their current relationship controversy.
YEARNER #2: “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me! He doesn’t initiate. And when I do, I get turned down. And if I am so lucky as to catch him in the right mood, it just….doesn’t happen iykyk. I want a relationship with passion and intimacy and romance. And not just once in a blue moon, but regularly. I want to be able to depend on it, not be surprised when it actually works out … for like two seconds. Tips? Tricks? Advice?”
First of all, Yearner 2, you might just have a future in writing love-advice columns. The energy and style of this response have really brought it to life, so thanks for your forthrightness.
Ultimately, sex is communication. You may be hesitant to sit your partner down and talk about the issue at hand, but I’m afraid that the only way out of this one is through.
Your frustration is valid, and it’s worth addressing. What makes both of you most comfortable when initiating sex? How often do you both want to have sex? And how much are you willing to meet your partner in the middle?
You’ve got me hooked, Yearner 2. Follow up soon.
With love,
Julia
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