Dear Jack and Hannah,
I have a dingle. I also have the biggest room on the floor. I don't know what to do with the space. Suggestions?
Sincerely,
Single in Dingle (and Ready to Mingle)
First things first, set up a tent. Don't have a tent? Here are some other things you can do:
1. Throw a party! Actually don't throw a party. That would probably get you in trouble, and you would probably lose your dingle. But hey, nothing fills cold, lonely space like TUPD officers responding to a noise complaint.
2. Remember, you have a dingle. That means no roommate constantly snoring, slobbering, spilling and/or stumbling around your room at all hours of the day or night. So celebrate your alone time! Play Twister (alone). Watch a movie (alone). Watch the TV show "Friends" (alone). Prep for the big party tonight (alone). Host hall snacks in your room (alone). Soon you'll be back at home with your family and you'll wish you were in your dingle.
3. Some say your body is your temple, but we say FALSE. It's college, you treat yourself like crap anyway, so you might as well make your dingle your temple and decorate that ish until it looks like a Crate & Barrel shoot with cinderblock walls and linoleum floors, maybe a vase or two. Read up on your fengshui and reorganize your belongings until the place oozes positive energy. Joules on joules on joules of positive energy.
4. Use university furniture to decorate your room.
5. Make a mess. Now that you've decorated your dingle, its time to throw your stuff everywhere and not have to worry about anyone judging your cleaning habits, unless you want them to (see the next tip). So throw your clothes on the ground, strew your books everywhere, post up on your bed and survey your kingdom.
6. Buy some incense (but don't burn it!) and some body oil (but don't spill it!), and invite your special someone over. You have a dingle! Don't be afraid to use it. You might as well just discard the 41st page of Habitats. You don't need that anymore.
7. Trampoline.
8. Trick-turn everything and start running your own Hodgdon.
9. Bunk the beds to make more room for activities, or your now massive stash of Luna Bars.
10. Build a shrine. A big one. With lots of shiny things in it. Because Santorum is going to need a pick-me-up after last Tuesday.
11. Get a fish. An enormous fish. Invite your friends over to swim with the fish. If you're no good at maintaining pets, make sushi. A lot of sushi.
12. If none of the previous tips cut it for you, just get the heck out. Go for a walk. Tire your calves out on the Hill. Go away for the weekend. Go to the Loj. Hop on the next Joey and see where it takes you. Camp out on the Res Quad and grill some rats for breakfast. Just remember to lock your door and don't forget your key.
13. And, most importantly, be sure to brag about it a lot. It's always nice to have people be jealous of you, even if in actuality you're pretty miserable.
*To our (wizard people) dear readers:
Don't forget to let us in on your various issues. Email us with whatever is bugging you, and we'll do our best to help you out, sortakinda.
-
Jack Webster and Hannah Furgang are freshmen who have not yet declared a major. Jack can be reached at John.Webster@tufts.edu and Hannah can be reached at Hannah.Furgang@tufts.edu.
