Going out with a beep

Pooja: Today I discovered my new favorite song: “Loud Places” by Jamie xx ft. Romy (2015). If this is common pop knowledge to you, please excuse my residence under a rock; however, today was the first day I realized that Jamie xx was formerly a part of the latter part of his name (which is why his album art always has a fragment of The xx’s album cover art). For some reason, today, I was also convinced that The xx, though they claim to co-exist, no longer exists. If Jaime and Romy are pairing up -- where is Oliver Sim?! Qureshi already left, so what if it’s a trend?! I could not find any information confirming this belief, which brought relief. The end of The xx would be the end of something beautiful, as is the end of New York Style Delhi. Not to compare our writing to the genius that is The xx -- but we have had quite a successful column, not to mention that our “Intro” (2009) was our biggest hit. The end of our column is Far Nearer (2011) than one could have believed and Gosh (2015) darn if we weren’t All Under One Roof Raving (2015). Only joking, we are quite sad to see this era come to an end, even if only for a summer. So, here go the final rounds.

Dear NYSD, hmu.

Pooja: Dear reader, I would absolutely love to hit you up, but sadly this is an anonymous forum. That being said, we have realized that many take advantage of the fact to treat it like their online diary. We have juicy details (some including names) about people’s love lives and their transgressions. Obviously our moral obligation to those so generously submitting to our forum prevents us from posting any of these in print. However, this is just a shout out to all the "anonymous" posters out there -- keep submitting because it is Rebecca and my main source of entertainment. That being said, keep an eye out for our special edition column next week that posts our un-answered questions.

Dear NYSD, What is YOUR question?

Rebecca: I wanted to answer this question philosophically or use one of those lofty, grand questions, like, “What is life?” However, I am not philosophical, so I’ll ask a question that has been recurring in my week: “Which fire alarm’s battery is dying in my house?” A beep occurs every twenty seconds, only when I am home alone; I know this implies that one of the smoke alarm’s batteries are low. I cannot find the dying one. I have gone through my whole house with a chair (I am too short to access the detectors otherwise) and waited for the beep, so far nothing. I have a theory that it is in the basement but the basement is unfinished and gives me the heebie jeebies, so I just do not go down there. So I guess I am doomed to a life of beeping?

Dear NYSD, Want to be on top?

Rebecca: Though I fear that this question has some sort of innuendo built into it, I am going answer it as though Tyra Banks were asking me as I walked down the catwalk, towards the judges of ANTM. Obviously, duh. Though I am too short and lack the grace to be a model, I think that I could be a great hand model; my nails are always trendy.

Rebecca: That’s all we have for now, I just realized that summer is dangerously close, and I am not bathing suit ready. If you have any questions about this article, come find me in the gym. Who am I kidding, I’ll be the one in the Tisch stacks with Chipotle.