The yoga faux pas

Rebecca: “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape,” is one of those positive self-talk quotes.  The man who coined this phrase (Michael McGriffy) has never met Pooja, nor has he seen her in Power Yoga. 

This semester, Pooj insisted we take yoga, reminding me that she had spent her summer at a New Jersey Ashram. After taking Yogalates, I figured that Power Yoga could not be any harder.  I was wrong; remaining in a high plank position is not for sissies.  The only solace that I find in the class is that Pooja is worse than me.  Pooja cannot touch her toes, nor can she switch between up dog and down dog without the instructor guiding her through the positions.  However, Pooja is becoming distracting to me -- I find myself laughing at her so much that that I forget to breath. It’s not a good look for either of us.  Last class, the instructor threatened to separate us.  My new method is to wear blinders to class and forget that Pooja is next to me, hyperventilating in child’s pose.  While she catches her breath, let’s check out the questions.

 

Dear NYSD,

The love of my life has seen my first snap story and did not proceed to see the second one.  Does that mean the potential for our holy matrimony has decreased by 35 percent?

Rebecca: I do not have a Snapchat.  While many people might find this surprising, I know that the second I have one, I will not be able to stop snapping.  Moreover, I have been sending people photos of my face since 2010 so I like to think that I invented it.  However, my housemate, Estelle Tcha, has made me somewhat of a snap celebrity.  My daily routine has become the bread and butter of her snap story. One can see me go through the motions: Putting on mascara, listening to music or putting in my night-guard on any given day.  It does not make me seem like the most attractive person; it gives me the air of Britney in 2007.  So as a snap celebrity who is currently taking statistics, I feel qualified to answer this question.  Your matrimony’s potential and your snap story have no correlation.  I’m sure he will check your next snap as soon as you post it.

 

Dear NYSD, I see you don't like Conn., but thoughts on N.J.?

Pooja: While Rebecca made her thoughts on Connecticut quite clear, and while our column received a large amount of hate mail, I have actually never been to Connecticut -- that is, apart from pit stops on the drive to New York. I have, however, been to New Jersey and spent several days there. Since Rebecca brought up my impressive yoga skills, I thought I’d comment on my summer in the Ananda Ashram. The Ashram is located in the middle of a forest on the outskirts of Jersey, quite literally in the middle of nowhere.

My mother and I had originally planned on staying for the silent retreat, where you are essentially cut off from all forms of communication including your voice. Now if you’ve ever met me, or furthermore my mother, you’ll know that for us, three days of not talking is our utmost form of torture. We spent our first couple of days trying to talk ourselves out, learning the life stories of everyone in the Ashram. At some points it seemed like we might have been in a horror story, for it seemed like everyone had been drinking the same calming potion for way too long. It became the running joke that the only two Indians came all the way from India to New Jersey, because apparently we couldn’t find it back home. Overall, we had a very calming break and made sure to pack our bags and leave within the first hour of the silent retreat. So to answer your question, my thoughts on N.J. are probably very different from a regular person’s experience of N.J., but in my opinion, it's pretty chill.

 

That’s all for this week, PLEASE keep sending us questions (we keep the answers forum as a saved tab on our browser and check it on the regular).