When my family comes to Tufts, I often worry that the experience will be similar to this headline from The Onion: “Man Has No Idea What To Do With Visiting Friend Between Meals.” Replace “Man” with “Female Student” and “Friend” with “Family” and you’ve got my biggest dilemma during parents’ weekend.
But when my family came last weekend, I didn't feel like taking them to the Rez, Dewick, Hotung and every other food-related spot. What I really wanted to do was attend a spoken word event featuring DARKMATTER, a “trans South Asian art and activist collaboration," hosted by the Asian American Alliance (AAA) and South Asian Political Action Committee (SAPAC). I knew very little about the event other than that DARKMATTER had visited Tufts a month earlier as part of the SJP conference, and many of my friends said they were really, really good. Though I was hesitant to take them, I really wanted to go. So I took my family with me.
DARKMATTER and the Tufts students who opened for them spoke about racial, gender, sexual and cultural identity, criticized the white heteropatriarchy and used the word “fuck” a lot. I love spoken word, and I was moved and impressed by the radical issues being discussed and the unapologetic performances.
Nonetheless, I found myself repeatedly glancing at my mom, my 24-year-old sister and my 17-year-old brother, wondering what they were thinking. As far as I knew, they weren’t used to anything like this. Did they find the event offensive? Were they uncomfortable hearing the performers talking about white people and privilege, taking it as some sort of personal attack on them (us)?
Growing up, my family rarely spoke critically about race, gender or sexual identity. I come from a small, "liberal" (but not radical) town that’s 90 percent white. Most people there agree that gay rights are good and racism is bad, but hardly anyone speaks critically about these issues or intersectionalities between them. My family, my community and I have the privilege to only address these issues when we choose to do so.
Unfortunately, we had to leave DARKMATTER after the first 45 minutes to go eat dinner. As soon as we exited the building, I asked them about their thoughts on the event, worried that they were baffled, shocked or offended by it.
Instead, my mom said, “I thought it was really interesting. I wish we had gotten to see more of it.” My sister and brother expressed similar feelings.
During dinner, we talked more about the event and about privilege on campus. At one point, my mom told me that she believes privileged people -- especially straight white men -- are sometimes unfairly judged and criticized for problems they didn’t create. I started to disagree with her, but before I could, she made another point:
“On the other hand, I’m sure there are places on campus where no one talks about those issues. And once you leave college, not many people ever talk about them. Do you think the white men in my office are ever told that they need to be more respectful or inclusive? Do you think anyone ever stands up to them? Of course not.”
I think this a message everyone at Tufts needs to remember. If you feel “marginalized” or “disrespected” for any privileges you possess, remember that this slight discomfort pales in comparison to the many advantages you have right now and the many more you will have after college.
So that’s my takeaway from last weekend. Also, if you’re worried about what to do with visiting family between meals, take them to whatever you’d normally go to (unless all you do is party), even if you think they won’t “get” it. They might just surprise you.
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