How to win games and influence everyone

We are Rebecca and Pooja, two juniors at Tufts with essentially undecided majors and decidedly major ideas -- and here’s why you need our advice. We like to think of ourselves as a modern day "Sex and the City" (1998-2004) column, or rather, Single in the Suburbs. Together we aim to be a less insufferable version of Carrie Bradshaw -- one that understands that sometimes when you turn 18, you also turn 80, and you would never, EVER, sacrifice dinner for a copy of Vogue magazine.

We like to think that although, individually we are a mess, together we amount to almost a functioning human. A sort of good cop bad cop, yin and yang, Jake and Amir type situation if you will. From spilling 2.0M hydrochloric acid in chem lab to teaching sex education for PHE together, the two of us can tackle any issue you have with the utmost of expertise. And in case you still aren’t convinced -- here’s a little bit more about us.

Rebecca 

As a Brooklynite with an Italian mother and a Jewish father, she has the abrasiveness of Tony Soprano and the neuroticism of Larry David. People have often told her that she is honest to a fault. She does not believe in the notion of compliments, but rather focuses on suggestions. She will tell you, “I liked the perfume you wore yesterday better.” Ask her what she thinks of your top and she will say, “I’m not the one who has to wear it so if you like it, that’s all that matters.”

She lives by the theory that all relationships are games. She aims to collect as many W's as possible (meaning wins, not withdrawals). Sometimes when the cashier at Starbucks doesn’t respond when she says, “Have a nice day,” she wonders if he won that interaction.

Her advice is that the best offense is a good defense. If that means straightening your hair for yogalates and wearing mascara to Tisch then so be it.  Most importantly, she thinks that it is imperative to play at all times, which at times can make you the only one playing ... but if you are the only one playing, doesn’t that mean that you won?

The only relationship she does not view as a game is with her best friend the Pooj.  Pooj balances her tactlessness, and together they are occasionally competent. While most freshman year friendships are solidified by sweaty frat parties and getting locked out of one’s room, Pooja and Rebecca bonded over a hatred of chemistry labs and a love of foreign TA's.

Pooja

As a Bombay born, Delhi raised, currently living in Shanghai girl, Pooja has some issues about where she thinks she is from. For the first year of college she told everyone she was Chinese in order to watch confused expressions and avoid lengthy conversations about ethnicity and homelands. When living in London she tried very hard to develop a sexy English accent, but subsequently failed (no matter how often she re-watches the Skins (20007-2013) series). After living in Canada she knows the entire Canadian national anthem by heart and secretly prefers Tim Horton’s to Starbucks.

Unlike Rebecca, she is not as trained in tough love, but balances the suggestions with her highly profound views on life. Having spent the entire summer writing the horoscope section for a Shanghai-based lifestyle magazine, she’s highly educated in the fields of future predictions and telling people what to do. She is convinced that in the past two years she has aged exponentially, and believes strongly that the grey hairs she finds are signs of wisdom and that a cup of masala chai can solve any given problem.

If this isn’t enough to convince you we are the best people to ask for advice, then you need to reconsider your life choices. Please submit your questions, queries and problems and we will do our best to give you the best non-kosher advice we can!