Does 'Ben and Lauren' deserve final rose?

Ever wonder what kind of dreams former Bachelor Ben Higgins had as a kid? These are the types of revelations that can be found on the first “The Bachelor” (2002 – present) spinoff that no one asked for, but now everyone needs. Seventy percent scripted, 100 percent stupid, “Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After?” which premiered on Oct. 11, follows boring Ben and basic Lauren B. as they try to re-enter normal society after falling in love on camera in front of millions of viewers.  So naturally, the lovebirds decided to keep the cameras rolling, and it's utterly delightful. Watching their desperation to outlast their 15-minutes-of-fame is a gain for the rest of us. What could be better than watching the most vanilla couple in Bachelor history (and this is "The Bachelor" we’re talking about, so that is no easy feat) shop for groceries and take selfies on their date nights? Absolutely nothing. Oh, and for the record, Ben dreamt about Jesus and clowns.

The episode opened with a montage of Ben and Lauren’s time on “The Bachelor” and their journey toward their engagement in Jamaica. It was just as viewers remembered it, aside from the fact that it left out the part where Ben told another woman he was in love with her a mere 24 hours before the proposal. But that was not left off the table for long because the central issue of the premiere was quickly revealed to be that Ben and Lauren had been invited to attend runner-up-turned-Bachelorette Jojo’s live “After the Final Rose” (AFR) special. Ben was eager to go (he had some new facial hair to show off after all), but Lauren was, understandably, apprehensive. There are so many reports of how Jojo’s fiancée Jordan Rodgers is supposedly (definitely) scum, so it would make perfect sense for Jojo to be yearning for the days of baked potato Ben. Lauren was concerned that there would be lingering feelings between Ben and Jojo, but after a quick lunch with "Bachelor"/"Bachelor in Paradise" (2014 - present) standouts The Twins, she decided it would be right to go.

In order to catch up on Jojo’s life, Ben and Lauren decided to binge-watch her season of “The Bachelorette" (2003 - present). Between Lauren pointing out that all of Jojo’s guys looked the same and Ben’s growing sheepishness as Jojo continuously brought up how he broke her heart, this scene quickly became the clear highlight of the episode. It’s unclear why producers even bothered with the rest of the show because an hour of them watching “The Bachelorette” every week would be one of the greatest reality shows of all time.

That’s not to say that the episode didn’t have other high points. Of course, there was the aforementioned conversation about Ben’s dreams, where he clarified that the clown nightmares always included one large and one small clown chasing him. And some of Lauren’s dumb moments during the episode, such as when she didn’t know that street sweepers were real, were almost on par with Jessica Simpson asking whether her can of “Chicken by the Sea” was chicken or fish.

But of course the whole episode couldn’t be all fun and games or scenes of The Twins and Lauren going toilet shopping. This show is related to “The Bachelor,” so melodrama is required. On top of basically guilting Lauren into attending AFR, Ben also accepted a double date invitation from Jojo without consulting Lauren. Poor Lauren. She just wanted to get famous on “The Bachelor” so she could quit her flight attendant job and become a professional blogger/Instagrammer. Alas, the “love of her life” had to be dumb enough to refuse to give up on his dream of a threesome with Jojo and throw a wrench in all of Lauren’s plans.

So there they are at AFR, and Lauren is not happy. They make it through the show, but now they are on their way to meet Jojo and Jordan, and the levels of tension are still high. Of course, the episode ends there, so we’ll have to wait until this week's newest episode to see how the lunch goes.

The show did gift us with a “this season” montage, which made "Ben and Lauren" look even more promising. There are so many members of “The Bachelor” universe rolling through, you’d think they were promised another Instagram follower for every appearance. Then there was this gem, where Ben said, “I think we should slow things down,” and Lauren replied, “Because I didn’t know you were allergic to coconut?!” Wow, this is really gonna be great.

"Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After?" airs on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on Freeform (the new name for ABC Family). Check out Lauren's blog, sparkleinhereye.com, for tips on doing your brows and only wearing off-the-shoulder tops.