The snow is fun for a lot of things: making cubist snow angels, having an excuse to drink excessive amounts of coffee because you’re cold, bringing back your mom’s leg warmers from the '80s.
The snow is not fun when the number of snow days begins to outnumber the number of Picasso prints owned by the MFA, or when transit along the Fenway, or any part of Boston, is faster on Calvin Klein leather boot-clad feet than by bus. If you’ve finished your six-hour-long Observational Painting class and you just want to go home and watch a Hal Ashby movie, you’re not in luck, because the MBTA has become Satan and decided that the T will not operate. It’s okay, at least you have the trusty Tufts/SMFA Shuttle.
The Tufts/SMFA Shuttle is a winter myth. It no longer exists during January-March. It’s part of a new Jeff Koons exhibition and it is permanently in the Whitney, not traversing the streets of Boston.
If you’ve been waiting for the shuttle to arrive for several hours, you know you still have a good amount of time left to kill before it arrives. Never fear! The Daily is here to provide you with a plethora of activities to keep your cold artsy self occupied while you curse the weather.
- Try different flavors of cigarettes that people are smoking outside. American Spirits? Camels unfiltered? Who needs health when you are going to die in the cold anyways!
- But don’t smoke menthols. It doesn’t matter how cold you are. You are not in seventh grade anymore. You may die in the cold, but you will die with some class.
- Ask that girl with the purple hair what brand she uses for hair dye. Then ask her to redye the entire left side of your head lavender. Nothing says “I’m ready for spring” like an aggressively pastel hue.
- Check the Joey Tracker for the thousandth time. Cry softly. Throw your phone at the brick wall. Record the whole thing on a camera adjacent to the courtyard and turn it in for your final for your Performance Art class. There are no grades at SMFA, but the project will earn you a hard “Pass.”
- Make an abstract sculpture out of snow and ice. Title it “Untitled.” Send a picture to your parents. Yell at them when they don’t get your work because they’re just not on “that level.”
- Start burning the snow. Take a Polaroid picture of you burning the snow. Develop the photo at CVS. Scan the print onto your computer. Photoshop the picture. #nofilter
- Create the best artsy playlist you can: Hello Ulrich Schnauss and MNDR. The entire “CATS” soundtrack. Lana Del Rey forever.
- Create the worst artsy playlist you can: Celine Dion. Nickelback. Phish. (Didn’t you make this joke last week, Daily? No. We’ve been waiting outside for a really long time.)
- Watch Richard Simmons aerobics videos from the '70s and try and recreate them in the courtyard. Bonus points if you change into spandex. You didn’t wear spandex to class today? Go inside. Someone is wearing them, guaranteed. Ask them to trade outfits for the sake of Richard Simmons’ legacy.
- Call an uber. Pay $97.95 to get back to Tufts. Sue everyone. Call it performance art. Or don’t. Just sue.
